1. Friday, June 27, 2003

    interesting things happen at the xbi every day. today was no different. 

    as you can probably guess some of the crime that we fight is cybercrime.

    theres money there too. and where theres money to be made you will find criminals, and where there are criminals to steal from you will find the xbi.

    some of us have been tracking the progress of the insane goings on of the ftc regarding privacy, namely telemarketers who call people at home.

    we knew that they were going to be a registry of peoples names and phone numbers that the telemarketing companies couldn’t call.

    we also knew that about 9 out of 10 americans with a phone number would send in their name and number once they heard about this magical solution. this marvelous list.

    and we also knew that in the wrong hands, the list could be exploited, and used for a variety of nefarious ways.

    think about it: its a fresh list of current names, addresses and phone numbers of people who probably have unlisted phone numbers.

    we knew the bad guys would be all over this list.

    but we didnt know the feds would be so dumb as to tack on a pirates booty of peoples email addresses too!

    and if this isnt a cowbell calling in the evil doers of the internet, then nothing is.

    all the people involved in the National Do Not Call Registry patted themselves on the back proudly shouting out the fact that today, its first day of operation, over 735,000 phone numbers were registered with the ftc.

    many of the americans registered on the government agency’s web site which asked them for their email address for confirmation.

    so let me ask you a question

    if you were a hacker wouldnt you think that the best day to hack a site would be on its first day, as it was crashing repeatedly because of heavy traffic and untested spikes?

    if you were a criminal and hired a hacker, or a team of hackers or a


    of hackers, how much do you think it would be worth if you could get a million fresh names with addresses and email addresses and ip addresses in one day?

    and if you were a bad guy, would you simply intercept the packets or would you, i dont know, maybe redirect ten or twenty percent of them off the governments web page and onto yours where you would there take their information and provide simple ways to have that user provide things like social security numbers and email addresses of their 10 best friends which would be rewarded by a $50 amazon.com gift certificate which would be sent to their “alternate” email address, which they should provide in the box below.

    whats twenty percent of a shitload?

    rolled in a little early this morning because the 21 caught all the green lights flying down wilshire.

    hottest latina girl ive ever seen on the bus, totally put together, thin arms, a pony tail that meant business, and even a little cleavage for the boys, sat up straight and scootched over when a lady wanted her empty seat.

    i forget where she got dropped off but im going to have to get in at that time more often if shes gonna be on the bus i thought.

    hopped off at my stop, cursed the soda machine for not taking dollar bills and sat at my desk and got im’ed by chopper one telling me that the script had broken.

    which meant people in large amounts were leaving the ftc’s webpage and going to one ip.

    we went to that ip, we hacked the server, we triangulated the mumuschantz, fired up the bird, sent out the cars, and beat down that mother fucker before regis had met his first guest.


    someone screamed where are the other servers.

    the dude said what other servers?

    these guys had done it all. they had not only hacked the ftc site, but also launched an email spam using previously stolen email lists which told people to come to the ftc site to sign up for the swell list, and even though the link said it was going to take you to the .gov email address it sent you to a different place instead.

    a very bad place.

    a boot was in his neck, rifles to his shrivelled nuts and a copter above, mine, letting out low frequencies of hyperdirected audio waves that was making everyone inside the dwelling without inner ear plugs suddenly quite pukey.

    the xbi agent was asking about the other servers that this guy had used in past crimes and after he finished barfing on himself he shouted out the address of a highrise in westwood and reluctantly offered up the keys.

    and from those servers we found previous crimes, smaller jobs, and trails to off shore bank accounts, and business partners, and financial records, and car titles, and emails to each other about their girlfriends and wives.

    we had those fuckers broke and terrified before the pizza man brought lunch.

    and since it was friday, and gorgeous, most of us left work early

    like me.

    735,000? + donotcall.gov + sahalie