1. Monday, June 23, 2003

    while i was on vacation 

    my man matt suggested in my comments that i run for governor for the state of california, a state that ive been lucky enough to be a resident of for the last 19 years and 18 days.

    he says that i should run because no one else is going to run democrat worth a damn.

    he says i should run because no one else is going to have a platform of legalizing weed under the threat of secession.

    and he says i should run because the groundswell of blogger support will most definitely secure my success.

    and he says that tsar should play at all my rallies.

    he left out van halen (minus sammy, plus dave.)

    matt wants me to be californias first black governor but i don’t wanna do it.

    california as a state is one thing, and as a political state its a whole nother animal, not really one that i want to be involved in.

    and sacramento?

    sacramento is just a town where the lakers are assured victory, its not somewhere that i would want to live for eight years.

    talk about heat. palm springs was a walk in the park compared to a summer in sacto. if i was governor i would have to escape to my lake tahoe retreat as much as possible.

    plus i want willie brown to be our first black governor.

    i don’t care what anyone says.

    every other state is allowed to have terrible guys run their state, at least with willie ours would be interesting.

    if i was the governor i would fix the freeways. for some reason we are in freeway denial here. more and more people move to cali and they bring their wives and kids and all of their cars and we pretend that the 405 doesn’t need to be any wider or the 10 or the 101.

    and everyone pretends that you can just keep building and building in la and its not gonna matter.

    i would put my hands on my hips and i would say more freeway lanes, less houses.

    id get shot at a bunch but i would shoot right back, fuckers.

    id turn the 5 freeway from bakersfield to fresno into the american autobahn, since this is the land of the free.

    so much would be solar powered you wouldn’t even believe it.

    june sixth of each year would be nudie day where everyone would be encouraged to walk around nude.

    yes, everyone.

    im not ashamed.

    october twenty second would be shake the hand of a hundred people day because even though i am pretty disgusted with the catholic church one of the things i got nervous about but liked was when you’d turn to your neighbor and say peace be with you.

    there’d be free aids tests at every hospital and free condoms at the malls and yes

    the state would be wireless.

    since we’re not savages.

    but best of all,

    skateboarding would not be a crime.

    bonnie and charlie are WHAT? + charlie + charlie and bonnie + bonnie