1. Wednesday, June 11, 2003

    yesterday was a weird day 

    because it was my bestfriend’s birthday and i didnt even get to see her.

    i once saw a thing about this hundred year old woman who lived in this big building of old folks and she would go to the drugstore for all the other old folks and she picked up a hobby when she was 50 and then picked up another when she was 75 and then a different one when she was 90. she said that one reason she was able to stay healthy and happy was that she didnt resist or fight change.

    if someone that she loved died or moved away, she wouldnt let it bring her too far down. she rolled with the changes. she said that in her 100 years she saw so much change it was insane and just flowed with it all.

    i think about that old lady a lot. not because im interested in living to be 500 years old, but because she seemed happy throughout her whole life, and because i dont do as well with change as i’d like. especially with old girlfriends.

    i suppose i am still carrying a torch for my ex, which i know is dumb, but its the pattern that i repeat time after time. and i know in my heart that all it does is take years off my life.

    not in a mortal sense, but in a real sense. if you close your heart to the world for even a half of a year after you break up with someone then youve taken half a year off your Life, and my pattern has been to go years without giving any of the fine ladies of america a real chance after a break up.

    historians might go back to my archives and see that i picked up the hobby of blogging right when my true love and i were breaking up a few years back. and others might say that i started dating ashley immediately, and clipper girl and others, but the truth was my heart was still with yesterdays birthday girl. we talked on the phone every day and hung out at least once a week.

    i dont know why im writing about this.

    this is boring.

    im trying to get my courage up to ask the hottest girl at work out for this weekend.

    lets see what my astrology says.

    Libra Horoscope for week of June 12, 2003 by Rob Brezney

    When I’m mountain-biking on the ridge, I usually stick to the relatively smooth parts of the dirt trails. Now and then, though, I head straight towards the most jagged bumps and deepest pits. It feels good to test my sense of balance so dramatically — to have to make countless split-second adjustments as my bike rumbles over the rugged terrain. Far from being a hardship, the sensation is exhilarating. I do it on purpose because it’s fun. From my analysis of the astrological omens, Libra, I reckon you’re now in a phase comparable to the one I just described. May you enjoy every minute of the wild ride.

    I guess that means go for it.

    okay, i’ll go for it.

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