1. Tuesday, July 15, 2003

    didnt sleep so well last night. 

    tossed and turned. fell asleep. woke up. my stomach was gurgling from too much diet dr. pepper and i just laid on my back and felt the breeze saunter in through the screen window. it reminded me of being a kid in illinois but even then i could sleep like a rock. last night was different. besides the full moon there was definately a disturbance in the force much worse than my beloved all star game falsely being held at comiskey.

    fell asleep finally in the wee hours after focusing on thinking about anything other than i had been thinking about. had several dreams which is also rare since the xbi had snipped that part of my brain. drempt that i had called over a hottie to spend the night with me, someone who would ignore my gracelessly aging face, someone who would just lay there with me and protect me as the goblins and ghosts bukkaked all over my innocent thoughts. someone who would tell me that it would be ok. someone who said id be their first round draft pick. but in the dream she said she had to wake up early in the morning and would have to take a rain check.

    then i had a dream that i was assigned to drive from one red lobster to another to taste the quality from property to propery. strange and dangerous duty but what good job isnt deadly in one way or another. lobster for lunch, shrimp for dinner. every day. every night. woke up and found that i still hadnt slept very much. thought about writing. thought about finishing my thing on tsar that i started the other night but that just made me sad.

    fell asleep and had a third dream. again, trust me when i tell you i dont dream. i dont cheat on my girlfriends, i dont eat onions, i dont dream. had a dream that i was expecting an email that was going to change my life. and i clicked and clicked and found nothing. then it occured to me that maybe i had deleted it thinking it was spam. i get so many emails and many are spam disguised as real emails with subject headers that say Hey or Love Your Site or Add Inches Now and who doesnt want to be taller? but none of those emails are it. its just a bad dream for a bad person.

    i fall asleep and wake up with howard stern talking to tori spelling and he asks her if she has ever had sex on a plane and she says yep. he asks if she was wearing a skirt and she says yep, he asks her if she wore panties and she says she hardly ever wears panties and youd think she could afford some but i guess some people want to be independent and not have to ask their parents for everything.

    i fall asleep for a few more minutes and wake up, strangely rested because the gurgling in the stomach had stopped, the radio had stopped, the breeze had stopped and all the thinking in the mind had stopped and nelly gets put into the boombox its girlfriend the duet with justin timberlake and i step into the shower and think about how long its been since ive had a girlfriend and i dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing and then the phone rings and its the girl i had dreampt about who told me no thanks and she says that she wants to see me tomorrow night but i tell her that i have plans and she says what about thursday night and i say what about your boyfriend and she says what about friday night and i say i have to drink a lot on friday night and she said i might be able to get a fake id by friday and i think maybe i am better off without a girlfriend. and when i get to the train, a hot chick with a victoria secrets gift bag is reading bukowski and im so stunned i dont say a word.

    jason + jason + jason + jason + jason + jason + jason