1. Monday, July 21, 2003

    got a phone call this morning at six am. 

    if you knew how ridiculously little money i make to save the world you would be flabbergasted.

    there was a time when i would have to go out of my way to get flabbergasted. i would actually seek out ways to get flabbergasted.

    i would do what i needed to do and then i would look around and if i could say that i was flabbergasted i wasnt flabbergasted enough.

    you only truly know youre flabbergasted after the factergasted.

    this morning im in an ornery mood thanks to the cell phone being dialed at six am.

    this is me ornery.

    grrrrr.

    one reason that they like me flying chopper one is that im a fairly even keeled mother.

    this is me happy.

    hi.

    this is me mad.

    hi.

    this is me flabbergasted.

    uh, wtf, fellas.

    last week you might remember that there was a young lady who had me flabbergasted with her lunacy and she came over and i was pissed off and i wasnt ever going to speak to her again. ever.

    she came over to the house and i was at the boiling point of anger and this is how i was:

    hi, may i get you a cold soda?

    no thank you.

    beer?

    no.

    gatorade?

    is that orange soda, may i have one of those?

    its good to have even keeled people piloting billion dollar black copters with armed forces spy planes trying to check your shit and enemy forces trying to gun you down, and the bloods with surface to air missles aiming at your ass, and the mob, and the irs, and the feds, and the kids, and the migrating geese, and the paparazzi, and the stank hos trying to say you’re their baby’s daddy.

    it’s good to have someone who has been accused by ashley as having no heart no soul no emotions and robotic in the center of the hurricane during hurricane season.

    especially when its always hurricane season.

    but at some point i do need my sleep.

    and occasionally its nice to get paid for answering the phone at six am and solving the worlds problems before six thirty.

    and if you dont see me working for the xbi soon, you can say you heard it here first.

    just like you heard it here first that the santa monica farmers market old man hit a benz before he hit the people.

    and just like you heard that the Coulter Klassic lived up to its name.