1. Monday, July 14, 2003

    i dont like fighting. 

    with anyone. but especially with my friends. probably cuz im no good at it. and probably cuz we never do it.

    but sometimes someone has to call bullshit and often times its me. and often times the other party says my bad, but sometimes they dont and it makes me so mad i want to cry. but i dont know how to cry any more. the xbi took care of that years ago.

    i feel feminine when i fight. i hate that. im not a victim but when im upset its usually because i feel victimized or i feel like theres something that i want that was implied or down right promised that didnt come true and when i get the reason why and its bullshit i get all twisted inside because i smell a rat and i hate smelling rats.

    but worst of all i hate feeling lesserthan cuz i always feel lesserthan. i just dont like it in my face and so obvious.

    i kick ass at pinball though, so back off.

    the other day someone said that the greatest living short story writer was in the house and the greatest living poet was talking to him. the fellow was talking about me and pat whalen. which is true. but being the greatest living poet, in my opinion is like being the greatest living hairdresser. its like a thanks, but no thanks.

    ashley says that i cant ever be pleased, and shes right, but shes wrong.

    its easy to please me.

    just follow my dreams, be my friend.

    dont make me feel less than.

    drink with me when im out.

    dont make me feel like a girl.

    tell me nice things.

    and break up with your boyfriends and molest me with your hot girlfriends as slayer cranks.

    raymi + buffoonery + azarok