1. Sunday, July 20, 2003

    my kids will probably get drafted straight outta high school. 

    but they aint going.

    nike will want them to be human billboards, but they wont be shilling for any damn nike.

    there will probably be a time when they will want to vote republican before they turn 35, or try heroin, or drink and drive, but im not gonna let em.

    and if i find out that they did, i’ll burn down their house. maybe steal their car. maybe erase them outta the will. or talk shit about them on the busblog.

    im sure i’ll have handsome boys and once they turn pro they’ll jet off to colorado for some secret arthiscopic surgery and they’ll meet a pretty young girl who’ll want to ease their minds right before going under the knife, and my boys might even want to induldge.

    but they wont go through with it.

    and if they do they will first have the young woman sign a release.

    and after they have signed the release they will call my childrens’ lawyer who will put the young lady on the phone and she will tell the lawyer that she wants to get with my offspring.

    and the lawyer will record all of this

    and ask the woman if she wants to do this act, that act, that act, that act, and that act.

    and then the woman will either accept or decline

    and then the lawyer will have the woman provide a drivers license number and social security number and the laywer will do a quick background check and then call back my progeny and either give the green light or the red light.

    none of this will be made aware to me because i believe unlike those who wrote and passed the patriot act, i believe in the right of privacy and at the chocolate center of that right is the attorney-client privelge, which i whole heartedly respect.

    none of my children will be allowed to marry before they turn 26.

    you barely know shit at thirty.

    who you kidding.

    since my kids will be brilliant they’ll say

    then how could hemingway bust with the sun also rises at 21, how could pete townshend drop tommy at 21, and if magic hadnt come out early he wouldnta won his first ring playing every position at 21.

    and id say if you roll with a tommy, a sun also fuckin rises, and play center your rookie year in the finals and win it for the lakers, then yes you can get married when you want.

    but realize kids, hem ended up a drunk his whole life which ended with a bullet in the head, pete townshend ended up getting caught looking at kiddie porn, and magic fucked around and got more than a triple double.

    so fuck you, stay in school, wake up your lawyer when youre about to get some strange, and dont even get me started about the nike sweatshop and how they want to brand you like cattle so they can sell the most expensive sneakers that were made from the lowest paying sweatshops.

    dresarii + rob wanska + leah + popie