the thing is i really like xtina.

and ive been known to appreciate the dirrrty skank ho look. and yet somehow this get-up and makeup and attitude falls flat with me.

i cant really say why.

other than shes completely uglifying herself for no good reason.

sexiness doesnt always mean tons of makeup, mousekateers.

but why listen to me? if i was mtv i would have the Queer Eye guys go to Christina’s house and give her the sweet makeover. maybe she’d have some tips for her.

maybe they could exchange notes about pleasing a man.

i just ate the best chicken corn chowder soup. spicy. mmmmmm.

this morning i wanted to put the blog on hiatus for a little while, but then i re-read my astrology and saw that the discomfort and issues that im having with turning the big 3-0 in a month-and-a-half mixed with the full moon and the tides means that i should just take those negative feelings and do something creative with it.

so i wrote my girl Xtina an email and i told her that she and all her little girlfriends should come over to my house one of these weekends that theyre planning a girls night out.

and instead of dolling themselves up and singing karaoke in k*town, they should just have a sluts night out at my place and they could have a ho-off and the winner will get to be ho o’ the day, which means that she has to do anything that the losing girls tell her to do

to me.

and because life is beautiful as soon as christina gets back from her tour with justin shes gonna round up her girls and do just that.

i have a zit above my eyebrow.

anyways the cubs lost yesterday and that makes me nervous.

at least my pants fit good.

and these nice people have each linked me:

steph + tundrah + utter wonder + neens

they say air signs get bored easilly.

and xbi training teaches us to look at the details if we ever get bored.

they do this by making us look at a tree for 8 hours. after a while you see the tree differently. after awhile you see patterns. after a while you can see how things really are in the tree. after a while you start talking to the tree. after awhile the tree starts talking back.

thats when they tell you to just focus on a leaf on the tree.

after awhile the leaf moves.

youd think riding the same bus down the same street day after day for two years would be boring to an air sign. but then the training kicks in and one of the tricks that the marines from the agency teach you is how to properly hate. i can hear them in my head as i ride the bus as i did today.

god i hate men in suits. look how they stand. they stand so dumb. and look at that trendy bag. fuck men in suits on the bus. who are you trying to kid. whats a suit mean, that youre doing well. how well can you be doing if youre standing up on a bus in la in a fucking suit.

ah look at this, three guys in golf shirts. one in shorts. two in pants. standing, blocking the back door. fuck you men in golf shirts.

but im no good at hating. im not a complainer. im a liker. i like the women who still got it even though its barely there. but they work it. theyre old but they havent thrown in the towel. theyre flabby and gray and resigned but havent quit. go babies. go.

i like the man in the crazy used car salesman blazer snoozing away missing his stop. my what a big nose you have there. my what long nose hair you have. my dont you seem peaceful sleeping there as the gentle movement of the subway car rocks the widdle baby to sleep.

i like how my sunburn is starting to hurt now. how it wants my attention like an old girlfriend. i like how my pants fit and how my heart feels and how my computers fucked and how my life isnt mine. oh to be included in my own destiny.

but its just easier to get into chopper one, turn on the a/c, fire up the laptop and write to you as the blades warm up and protect me from this arid heat.

hi blog that i love.

hi tony, sorry about your home pc.

its cool.

why dont you ask your buddy jeff to get you a new motherboard and processor?

cuz jeffs a busy man. and its sorta funny that we can never get it together.

then why dont you go and do it yourself?

cuz im dumb deep down. super dumb the deeper you get.

and the ladies walk past showing their bellies as if their legs are nice to look at or their hair or their faces or their pretty smiles or their heavilly mascaraed eyes or their gravity defying hey look at that its the in-n-out truck

and theres a palm tree.

and theres a leaf.

and theres me.

splink + tracy + ernie the attorney