some people like stealing elections

i like stealing art.

many in the xbi have dabbled in bank robbery, which was the gateway crime for more than a few of us.

i just did that for kicks

in high school

on dull nights when none of the girls would pick up their princess phones.

65. jason r.

back then we didnt have the fancy innernet where people could be on instant messenger at all hours, typing under their blankets on their pink laptops.

the best part about stealing art is you can hang it from the walls of your house and nobody ever thinks that its the real thing. why would they?

divinci’s nothing, ive had a michelangelo hanging over my couch for months. sure it isnt the full on pristine oil (it’s just a weathered sketch) but it’s the real deal and who would even know that its missing?

this divinci was actually a peace offering to clipper girl who has been treating me super nice lately.

hell, everyone has treated me super nice lately.

and the cubs won today.

they let us off work early today and i took some pictures on hollywood blvd, completely ignored this car chase on santa monica, and got naked as soon as i got home and stayed that way.

do you think i could go a week without “swearing”.

lets see if i can.

my mom would be pretty happy if i did.

anyway we sold the divinci about an hour after taking it and from what just found out those guys sold it about an hour after they got it.

wanna know how much we sold it for?

cheaper than you think.

annika + beejmeister + julien

sometimes when im flying above southern california and i look down on all the swimming pools

and i see all the people who dont have to work or i see their big houses or i see their fancy cars or i see their pretty wives or girlfriends i think, wow, i wouldnt mind being that guy.

last night of all the people in the world i thought, wow, i wouldnt mind being jay-z for a little while.

so talented, so tall, so lucky.

i wonder what it might be like to have beyonce as your girlfriend.

heres someone whose parents molded to be a great singer and dancer and sweet woman, and all she needed was a great songwriter and producer to elevate her into the can’t-touch-this level of superdooper stardom.

if i was jay-z i would wear more hats though.

and i wouldnt stop rapping.

and i would buy big fake lenny kravitz afro wigs.

and i would get big gold chains with the letter Z dangling from them.

and of course i would produce the next ac/dc record.

but mostly i would hang out with beyonce a lot and tell her that i didnt think that she was ready for my jelly and i would play with the flab around my belly button and watch her shimmy across the room and prove me wrong.

and aftwards, at night, with the window open and the nightingales whistling to the moon i would whisper new tunes into her half asleep ears

and human beatbox for the beat

and tap her palm

and fall asleep.