1. Sunday, August 24, 2003

    i know a small percentage of people are jealous of me. 

    im used to it.

    i know that there are a handful of hecklers out there who either arent comfortable with my thousand readers a day, my dominance at the scrabble board, or my wicked crossover dribble.

    hecklers make me feel better.

    they remind me that im the man.

    they remind me that i am on the right path, that im doing exactly the right thing, that im typing the right way, that im saying what needs to be said.

    the sweet people remind me of those things too, but not like the haters.

    the sweet people make it all worth it.

    actually it’s worth it without any of the people, but the sweet people make it especially worth it.

    i remember all the things youve done for me.

    youve sent me on vacation, youve bought me gifts off my amazon wishlist.

    youve written me when i was down, youve written me when i was up.

    youve gotten me about $1,000 closer to a car.

    youve linked me on your blogs.

    some of you have even come over to my house and gotten nude for me.

    some were even women.

    none of that shit ever happened when i wrote this in a trapper keeper.

    magazines have interviewed me, ive been invited to speak in public, strangers say hello to me at the baja fresh. all cuz of this blog and how i write it.

    so you dont have to tell me how to do it, fakers.

    youre fakers cuz you fake at hating when all along you love.

    you cant wait for me to post again.

    thats love.

    i see you in the archives. soaking it all up. trying to hate, but cant. trying to lurk but having to say something. something dumb, but something.

    you think i like saying bad things about the president of my country?

    you think i like the fact that the son of a nazi is the favorite in the coup thats going on in the state that i live in? the most important state in the union?

    unlike many i dont sit in my many mansions and root for the republicans to keep fucking it all up.

    they just do it anyway.

    and if some want to identify themselves with the son of a nazi, or a son of a bush, thats their problem.

    i look at my elected officials the same way that i look at the batteries of my remote control – when they stop being effective, they get removed.

    the president, the congress, and the supreme court have not been effective.

    dont take it personally.

    dont be dumb.

    dumb is trying to show someone up in their comments, when that person writes three times a day.

    david didnt get goliath by kicking him in the leg.

    if you want to shut me up about politics, do it with facts and figures.

    show me how bush/cheeney have made the greatest country in the world even better.

    use charts.

    show me that im wrong about them bungling the economy, about how they lied about why they wanted to blow up iraq, and failed at finding the leaders of the evil doers, and that failure is costing us a billion a day.

    and dont try to pretend it was for humanitarian reasons. fakers.

    show me that they had nothing to do with the california energy crisis two summers ago, or the recent blackout on the east coast.

    or just admit it all and say, so what, my daddy voted republican and i’ll vote republican till i die.

    but dont tell me to go back to talking about the weather.

    even if its beautiful and a mild seventy three degrees here in hollywood at midnight with a gentle breeze coming from the west at about two miles per hour.

    cuz if you do, i’ll tell you to go back at doing what you do three times a day.

    velvet hammers + cry of capricorn + beets werkin