the school that i talk about all the time, UCSB,

ucsbmy truest of true loves, was recently named one of the 12 hottest American colleges in the Kaplan/Newsweek How to Get Into College guide for 2003.

here’s what they had to say about it:

With its glamorous location on 989 acres of Pacific Ocean coastline overlooking the Santa Ynez Mountains, UCSB used to be known as a major party school. Now it’s the party school with an increasingly impressive academic reputation. Three faculty members have won Nobel Prizes in recent years. UCSB’s engineering school is highly rated in national rankings in many departments, especially in the rapidly expanding field of materials science. The school’s Ph.D. physics program is one of the top 10 in the country, and the Institute for Theoretical Physics attracts scientists from around the world to debate such questions as the future of cosmology. One quarter of undergraduates take part in research, teaming up with faculty and grad students. Applicants apparently have taken notice. Freshman applications have increased by 67 percent in the last five academic years, compared with 31 percent for the UC campuses as a whole, and 27 percent of the students who applied for the class of 2006 had a GPA of 4.0 or higher.

Not surprisingly for a school just two hours north of Hollywood, UCSB is famous for its film-studies major that lets students study film theory along with aesthetics. In the past few years, graduates of the film-studies program have been nominated for Academy Awards in areas as disparate as animation and adapted screenplay.

UCSB is the only school in the UC system to offer religious studies through the Ph.D. level. The program stands out nationally because it focuses on the cultural aspects of faith, as opposed to other programs that primarily train priests or ministers. In 2002 the university opened a new building for its school of environmental science and management that is recognized as the greenest building in California because it meets the highest federal and local standards of energy efficiency. In addition, just about everything used in the construction project-including demolition waste, silt and other debris-was recycled.

the 12 hottest colleges:

Arizona State University

Boston College

University of California, Santa Barbara

Davidson College

George Washington University

Kenyon College

Macalester College

University of Maryland, Baltimore County

McGill University

The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

Pepperdine University

University of Washington at Seattle

tobasco guy

cubs are doing it people.

bottom of the fifteenth inning today at wrigley. first game of the day + night double header, auggie ojeda gets on board, sammy sosa comes to the plate.

minutes later theres the hop (pictured).

the cubs are about to make my dreams come true.

k, first theyre going to leap frog the cards tonight and get into second place. then the astros. then they will beat the braves in the playoffs and then the yankees in the series.


ah yes. world championships. good thing about being 109 is i remember the last time the cubbies won it all, 1908 was the year, movies cost a penny and they put cocaine in Coke.

a man could buy a car for a half-penny and they made asprin out of ass.

donkeys that is.

back then they didnt have much on tv, but what they had was good: radio programmes, news of the cubs winning the world series, ventriliquizim.

internet was super slow in 1908. sheesh.

it was so slow people just used snail mail most of the time.

girls were nicer, but not as pretty. they didnt mind cleaning your house and making you supper. they had supper back then, btw. man were they nicer. Leave it to Beaver was reality tv.

of course the coloreds had no rights, or the satanists, or the kids, or the fish. you could just pee in the rivers and nobody said nothing.

tv was free, werent no traffic jams, houses cost a nickle.

you died at 35 but that just kept the traffic down and the preacher in business.

weed was legal in ’08, ‘cept we didnt call it weed, we called it Rheumatism Medicine, as in, boy, get me my medicine. then we’d chortle. lots of chortling going on back then.

a man couldnt walk a block without seeing another man in a stovepipe hat and a pipe and a cane chortling on his way to the saloon.

you’d tip your hat and chortle right back.

chortles were free back then.


people dont understand how to party

and people dont understand how to program television.

my favorite station E! has a great franchise going with their Wild On series, but this year they need to let the celebs show them how its done.

every week there should be a new celeb taking the cameras to their favorite party places. first up needs to be the Worm, my bro Dennis Rodman in vegas. he can give us tips on drinking, playing black jack, and rebounding. he should also give us a tour of the wedding chapels that are best for getting drunk in. and how to get a midget to be your best man. carmen electra can guest host a segment.

next week should be the Hilton Sisters on the sunset strip. i bet you there are more than a few secret rooms in the clubs in hollywood that only nikki and paris know how to get into. carmen electra should guest host one of the segments too.

then we go to minneapolis where i would like to see how prince gets down. i know he doesnt do much press, but come on buddy, no one is buying your records any more. seriously when was the last time you got a prince record? back when doves cried? and he doesnt even have to speak, he can just get one of his ladies to show us around. but he need to be there. i want wild on the twin cities. carmen electra can guest host.

then we need to go to isla vista. duh. i need to host that shhhhh whoops almost cursed there. i need to host the party. i want to see 50 kegs lined down del playa, bands, burning couches, fleeing dogs, cops on horses, and a whole hell of a lot of alcohol awareness, people. i would also like to see some wheat thins. the hilton sisters can guest host. maybe we can get ugly kid joe to reunite and party next to the leather guild.

speaking of reuniting. i want the Coreys to get back together somewhere in tijuana. lots of people party in baja and most of the times they do it in a dirty dirty shameful way. we need to change that. Wild On of all tv shows can bring the ass, i mean class back to tijuana, once known as the jewel in the mexican rivera. since carmen electra knows spanish i guess she can guest host.

snoop dogg is a Wild On: Tha Ghetto no brainer. must i seriously have to think of everything? paris hilton can guest star.

remember last year when that Aligator guy from austrialia was all the rage? he even had a knock off dude? well those two guys probably know how to party pretty well and i want to see how they let loose for the Wild On: Down Under.

willie nelson knows how to get down and none of that has been documented. why? maybe nobody has asked the redheaded stranger. Wild On: Hillbilly Style. and yes that means moonshine and deep frying turkeys, so represent!

but the biggest partiers in rock are the Roadies. every movie ive ever seen theres a roadie getting some or drinking or eating the left overs. Wild On: Backstage will be a classic. especially when the discussion turns away from tattoos and back to the groupies.

Wild On: Under 5′ 5″ will be a classic. lil kim, frankie munoz, fred durst, christina aguilera, mini me, david spade, the olsen twins, spud webb, seth green, gov. gary coleman, angus young: all how they roll.

tell me you wouldnt watch it.

alecia is the #2 “alecia” on google + daily pundit + ouahad

raymi i want i want i want

ive been eating like a pig lately. i had tv dinners and soup and then a half of a pie and then a little rice before getting invited over to pizza.

then i had some homemade cookies then i went home and ate some beefaroni cuz it rhymes with tony.

all this food talk has me thinking about lunch. i hafta get my bus pass at the store when i get my sandwich. i dont want to get any more bus passes. when will i get my last one? you know how you never know the last time you’ll kiss a girl? when will be the last time i go to Ralph’s and ask for a monthly bus pass?

sometime in the year two thousand?

oh raymi i want and i want and i want.

i want to put the cubs’ playoff race on the left hand side of my blog but i dont wanna jinx it.

i dont want to jinx anything, raymi, but this whole cubfan thing has been a jinx to me.

your gd bluegays have won the world series thanks to the bat of the cubs’ number one draft pick which is why you dont care about these things. theres no gta jinx. theres just fish and ice and eskimoes and raymis skipping past the bobbies on the corners parlezing and bumping into mike meyers.

raymi are you going to the new jackie chan movie? i dont think i will. f new jackie chan movies. he needs to go back to china and regain his spirit.

i would change everything if i could. first thing i would do is make canada our 51st state. i think theyd go for it. smokes are cheaper here. i think youd like that.

raymi what am i going to do with you? you seem like youd be very good with pets. especially dogs. i see you playing catch with a happy dog with a tail for hours. maybe several hours. i see you throwing a frisbee into the ocean and the dog diving in and you diving in too and nabbing the frisbee in your own teeth and the dog trying to get it out of there and both of you drowning.

then i see anti saving you both and giving first you mouth to mouth and then spot and then you again and then spot then sand castle competition and then lines being done off the hairy backs of the tourists.

how can it be septemeber already.

i blame the president.

raymi + bunnie has a super nice long thingie up + trinity xxx

dear raymi,

why arent we ruling the world yet?

why are we letting princess george and in his little boy blue outfit take his toy canon and airplane glue and set things on fire and spend all the money we dont have and lie and cheat and steal and look dumb.

raymi why do we even have to think about these things? arent there some art project that need to go down?

arent there like a dozen young girls who idolize you who need to have a thrift store contest?

why dont we have our tv talk show yet? why arent our dreams realized? are you even in america?

come back to america raymi. we need you. come make it sunny here.

especially in hell-a.

im going to be 110 years old next month raymi.


and youre 20?

god we’d make a great team.

im doing this thing this week where im not going to say any swear words on the blog at all.

i think i can do it.

i did it the last few days and it wasnt any big deal.

please come back to america where its the greatest and show us how to be the greatest.

i need your fashion tips. big time. BiG TYME. i want you to dye my hair, i want you to tell me how great Tsar is. theyre playing almost every day next month and this month. except for the suckey days.

oh raymi where are you girl? i dont even see your boy writing about you. i see him pulling the bukowski and getting terrible jobs at low wages. hes funny. when can i marry you two. i would.

fifty bucks cash upfront though.


cry of capricorn + blue cad + emmanuelle

every day that i finally make it here to my desk

virgins i think to myself, why am i here again? the pay is laughable. in fact if you cant laugh at it then you need to quit. the phones always ring and never happy people on the other end. the work is dangerous. i should have been dead a long time ago. and nobody ever says thank you.

i say thank you but sarcastically. tony, theres a shoot out in korea town, no chopper, just get there and pick up the peices.

thank you, boss.

picking up the peices means stand in the shadows and steal the getaway car or the money or the jewels or whatever loot that might get left behind, guns, ammo, phony social security cards, laptops. lots of times theres clues about ongoing heists happening or soon-to-be jobs, or nudie pics of bad guys’ girlfriends. it’s never a bunch of valueable stuff, but sometimes it is. however there is a fire fight happening and nobody knows which side im on so my likelihood of being shot is very high.

their likelihood of missing and me shooting them, however, is higher, so watch it bitch.

some guys meditate in the morning, i write you.

some guys need to get their heads together, i need to get the writing done.

some guys need their coffee and their donut or frappuchino and bagel, i just need an apple juice and a slice of pound cake, maybe a mcdonalds egg bacon cheese biscuit, but only if i was good.

last night i wasnt good. miss montreal wanted me to go to her house. i didnt want to do that. you should see this girl though. her roommate got on the phone and started yelling at me in french saying she was taking it personally that i never wanted to go to their house.

the place is full of french canadian beauty queens but im a homebody and i know what would go on over there. and who needs a bunch of people asking you questions and slowly picking you apart. the roommate said that there would be a car at my house at 7:30pm. it was 7:10pm. i said, how about 8:10pm, they said 7:45pm i said what time will this car take me home. she said 11pm you will be back at home. so i said, fine pick me up at 8:10. and i explained that i hadnt showered or shaved since friday. so they agreed to 8:10.

my girl arrived and looked good, smelled good. has some curves that defy gravity. sassy little smile. she’d been sick all weekend and of course the only night that we had to wake up early the next day would she be available. its ok though. canadian kisses are sweet.

we collected my things and she drove me up the hills to their mansion in the trees. very natural place, springs, butterflies, lightening bugs.

everyone was getting ready to watch Paradise Hotel, which i admit ive been following. three couples then us. i was very uncomfortable. if im being in couple mode i usually end up with at least one hand in an inappropriate place that gets slapped away. sorry.

afterwards people wanted to play a board game. i wanted to go home. i wanted to make out. she didnt want to give me her cold. gimme your cold, baby. she shook her head and wouldnt give me a kiss.

i had showered shaved clothed removed myself from writing all this beautiful literature for your collective behinds and i wasnt even going to get a kiss. hmmm. back in the day i would have pouted or been upset, but in a month and a half im going to be 110 years old.

i settled for the hand relief, kissed her cheek, dodged the paparazzi and slipped into the back door. the phone was ringing with hot chicks, but i unplugged the wire and prepared some cold cereal.

within an hour i was asleep.

gorilla mask + the ward + orby