1. Monday, September 29, 2003

    in the winter of 1977 i sat in the south endzone and watched walter payton run 

    for 275 yards against the minnesota vikings at soldier field. this was the view i had.

    bears sucked so bad in 77 that walter didnt even score a touchdown that day and we barely won 10-3.

    tonight soldier field will re-open and if i had had my shit together i would have had a nice full page picture of the newly renovated stadium on my main page, but when i drove past it last week it looked like a spaceship taking a dump in a roman toilet.

    hopefully the bright lights and pretty cameras of abc’s monday night football will make it seem nicer.

    and maybe brett favre will stub his toe and not feel like destroying the lowly bears.

    needless to say i dont have the highest hopes for my hometown team and im not super thrilled with what they did to my favorite football stadium, but if theres one thing ive learned in my 109 years on this planet it’s that shit happens and when it involves the mayor of chicago its usually terrible shit that nobody would have ever have happened in a zillion years.

    the inside of the stadium looks like the new arena in jacksonville. you know what, fuck jacksonville.

    the outside of the stadium looks like a transformer and you know how i feel about transformers? i think theyre gay.

    and i see lots of skyboxes for the richies who dont want to get brrrr cold as they watch the bears lose next to the frigid lake and you know what? f the richies and how dare they even come to soldier field unless they want to freeze their pampered asses off with the rest of us.

    personally i hope godzilla comes out of the lake, takes a dump in this space age commode and then pulls the lever and the whole thing just swirls down into the depths below.

    where it belongs.

    right next to the guy who put lights up in wrigley.

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