1. Tuesday, September 30, 2003

    the world is throwing me curveballs this morning 

    but i dont care. its playoff time. the busses are late. the work is crazy, my dream girl isnt mine any more, the dream job is gone, the other job isnt even sniffing around, i havent gotten any in 2-3 business days, im not even certain that my tivo is ready.

    but i dont care. today is showtime, today are the playoffs.

    if i was a real blogger, id have bunting on the blog header instead of tsar, but theyre calling all the destroyers. buntings for closers. there will be bunting tomorrow.

    got in early to work today so i can leave early and see the game. whalens coming over, os is coming over, if welch reads this, welch you should probably come over too. ive got some beer. ive got some pizza coupons, and lord knows ive got absinthe.

    youd think id be more prepared but im not. this is all a beautiful dream to me. this is all going to the bar and saying the things you say to the ladies and one of them says ok. and youre all, what do you mean ok. and shes all, i mean ok. and your music isnt ready and theres not clean sheets and your condoms are buried underneath stacks of playboys and you fumble for them in the darkness and theres no candles and no whipped cream and no bacon and eggs for the morning, but its ok, just put your head down and do what you have to do.

    and today what we have to do is knock mr russ ortiz whos full of cheese off the mound at turner.

    russ ortiz the former giant, the guy who hurled 21 wins this year. the gemini from encino. the man who wasnt there. the ace of the braves vaunted pitching staff. the man who made maddux seem like an afterthought. the only pitcher in the playoffs who dusty baker singlehandedly turned into a superstar.

    but russ ortiz lost seven games this year cubs fans. one third of his games he lost. keep remembering that. keep remembering that he gave up 100 walks this year. and hes fat. and hes ugly. and his momma dont like him cuz hes into the insane clown posse and he says hed vote for mclintock.

    remember that russ ortiz has an eating disorder and he cheats on his taxes and his corns are leaky and his teeth arent ever clean.

    remember that russ ortiz believes that women do not have the right to choose, and that hes afraid of sammy sosa and the cubs.

    russ ortiz hasnt faced the cubs this year, cuz hes frightened. and he should be. the cubs are on fire. and the fire’s gonna burn like sherman through georgia and loop around and head to the frisco bay and everythings going to get real good when dusty faces his old team again.

    but tonight dusty faces his old ace and his ace should be scared cuz of russ ortiz’s seven losses, three have been in the last two months.

    sure he shut out montreal and florida in his last two outings that didnt mean nothing, but before that he gave up four runs and five walks against the marlins on september 13 and six runs off six hits against the lowly mets on september 3.

    kerry wood on the other hand, who takes the mound for the red hot cubbies, hasnt given up six runs total over his last six games, sports fans.

    infact since late august mr kerry wood has given up only 5 runs total over the last six games, and has 59 strikeouts.

    he racked up 12 strikeouts in his last game over seven innings, and 11 in the game before that, a complete game shut out.

    cubs are going to womp on the tomahawking braves and the busblog prediction is that it will be cubs 8, braves 0.

    maizzy + katie hall + kitty bukkake