1. Tuesday, October 7, 2003

    i know i know i know 

    im supposed to be supporting the red sox, the only losers almost as loveable as my cubbies, but you know what, fuck the red sox.

    yes it was exciting, their series with the a’s, but it was sloppy as hell. so sloppy there shoulda been a disclaimer for any little leaguer to look away in fear that they might see the ugliness on the field disguised as the national pasttime.

    i say fuck the sox because theyre not going to beat the yankees playing the way that they did versus the a’s.

    i say fuck the sox because for being the leagues best hitting team they barely hit anything against an oakland staff that was short one ace.

    and fuck byung-hyun kim for flipping off the good people of boston when they dared boo his boo-worthy korean ass.

    you think the new dork damnkees arent eating this shit up?

    i say fuck the sox because i need the sox to get focused and quit stumbling around like they dont know how to get shit done. i need to see 6-7 run innings, and dont think im not pissed at the cubs for leaving the bases full, but the sox dont even get the bases full unless theyre in the field and walking people in the bottom of the ninth.

    the champions of the world will not be the ones who load up the bases with walks. i dont care how crappy your bullpen is.

    and this buisness of using your converted starter who used to be your closer as a closer again in the last inning of a playoff game? try that shit with the bronx bombers. i will promise you this, my friends, they will not watch the ball go over the plate time and time again like oakland. not soriano, not giambi, not bernie, not hideki. those motherfuckers take their cuts and you know this boston. you of all people know this.

    i want you to take out the yankees early. you need to knock their pitchers out quick. i want to see some bench clearing brawls, hard outs at second, brushback pitches and some serious sign-stealing.

    call sammy corky all you want, but romeys right, if youre not cheating youre not trying, and i gasp every time sammy breaks his bat but we all know thats not the way hes gonna cheat anymore.

    i want that knuckleball pitcher of yours to put some spit on that shit. i want your catcher to have sandpaper in his mitt. i want your designated hitter to wack posada in the nads with an errant back swing.

    thats how youre going to beat the yankees my friends from the northeast.

    or youre going to have to stop playing like wicked sallies.

    and whoever thought of that gay ass “cowboy up” needs some beer thrown at him.

    utter wonder + sk smith + obey pedro