1. Saturday, October 4, 2003

    you know why the cubs lost tonight? 

    so we could remember harry caray.

    cuz you know what harry would have said tonight while signing off after the cubbies 6-4 loss to the braves whose final out was a 398 foot drive from sammy sosa in the bottom of the ninth with a man on?

    he would have said, if only sammy had one more biscuit for breakfast…

    i miss you harry caray, white haired drunkard saint from paradise

    thick glasses thick lips the michaelangelo of baseball broadcasting.

    the cubs were so close to tying up the game in the bottom of the ninth off a visibily ailing john smoltz that sammy hopped after he hit it.

    but the storybook writers wanted to see a game five in atlanta, and thats fine.

    my true love and i volunteered at a school and helped paint it and fix it up with a whole bunch of great people. it’s amazing what a lot of people can do to a big school in just 4-5 hours. just four of us painted the entire inside of a classroom while others painted murals, and redid the garden, and painted every single building.

    sadly it meant that we were tardy for the ballgame and i didnt get a chance to watch the game with my friends, which, as you know, every time ive done so, the cubs have won.

    so they will be invited tomorrow afternoon and we will watch kerry wood take the chicago cubs into the national league championship series against the florida marlins.

    and the braves fans will cry in their moonshine

    and the cubs will only be four wins away from the world series.

    which means right now theyre five wins away from the world series.

    but like i said, because kerry wood is pitching tomorrow against that chump mike hampton the cubs only really have four wins to worry about, cuz tomorrow is no worry.

    mike hampton has only had one good year, way back when there were only three networks, the last year that he played with the mets. since then he failed with the astros and failed with the rockies.

    this year he developed a spitball of some sort because he ended up with 16 miraculous wins, making this the only other good year that hes ever had other than that one year with the mets.

    but even if hampton gets lucky with the sandpaper thats in his mitt, the braves obviously will be without their best closer and their best outfielder, and if you think chippers gonna hit two homers off kerry youre as high as rush limbaugh who still has never said that he isnt a druggie.

    did i tell you i had a great time with my true love?

    so good that i fell asleep to the cubs on tivo, woke up, rewounded it, watched them lose, and still danced around my freshly cleaned hollywood hideaway, guardedly confident of the cubs chances, and thrilled that i have the coolest exgirlfriends in history.

    cubs are going to wipe their ass with mike hampton and the braves tomorrow.

    you’ll see.

    lily + petey + snl dude