1. Monday, November 10, 2003

    dear democratic national committee, 

    the repubs are not very happy about me asking you to let me write a blog for you.

    they know that if you said yes its over for them.

    they want to try to confuse you by bringing up silly questions like “why would anyone pay you $2 mil for a blog.”

    like they dont spend two mil on the gas for their hummers.

    like they dont contribute to the rnc.

    like they dont even blink even once when prince george asked for $85 billion to go to iraq and not find saddam and get a couple hundred of our boys kilt.

    fuck them and their questions.

    they know their little plans are shot to hell and their future is doomed if you hand over the money.

    i was thinking i might need $2.1 though. i need to hire charles johnson at little green footballs.

    its not enough to educate the world about the impotence of the republican party. everyone understands that other than getting themselves elected theyre basically useless while once in office. even my dog says duh to that one.

    but what charles would do is be fearless about showing us who the real terrorists are. the saudis.

    one reason the dnc blog would be worth the money would be we’d expose the truth while getting dems elected.

    how much is that worth?

    $2.1 is pocketchange for barbra streisand and tim robbins and sean penn and bill gates. and if you dont think the rnc isnt hooking drudge up with fat paychecks and a decent sized staff you probably believe that reagan bush didnt trade arms for hostages.

    we’re through the lookingglass, people.

    youre playing this game like its a game, and theyre playing it like its a war. ironic thing is they suck at real war, they cant find saddam, werent even close in finding osama. they have every tool of war ever known to man or beast and they’re getting their hats handed to them by serb mercenaries and kids.

    sad thing is, when you play this game like a war you play it like the brits did in the 1700s, you stand in a line and wear red jackets, and theyre up in the trees hiding and picking you off one by one.

    how on earth could you let them pretend that monica lewinsky had anything to do with whitewater and that whitewater had anything to do with something that should be allowed to impeach a president? do you let people walk all over you all the time?

    damn.

    anyway, the superheroes have been identified and theyre ready to rock the boat.

    $2.1. hurry up.

    your dream come true,

    tony

    jeff jarvis + blogumentary + fimoculous