1. Saturday, November 29, 2003

    dear tiger, 

    nothing i like better than a blonde model marrying a young black millionaire. but hasnt kobe taught you anything about marrying young?

    i know shes hot. and im sure shes wonderful. it dont matter.

    you need to check yourself bro.

    how many majors have you won this year while youve been diddlin this’n?


    shes no good for you.

    even your crazy old man knows it.

    “Let’s face it, a wife can sometimes be a deterrent to a good game of golf,” Earl Woods said regarding the announcement of his son’s engagement.

    unless youre willing to say, “im tiger woods and i dont give a fuck about golf any more, all i care about is this blonde, all blonde, swedish piece of ass,” then stanford didnt teach you shit.

    i cant even imagine how hot that might be.

    in a bikini

    slippin into the hot tub after you just came in third and only get to cash a $77,000 check.

    better luck next week.

    but you do not have to marry that shit.

    i wanna marry that shit. trust me. you can wanna marry it. just dont marry it.


    she can still get a discount on eurail passes

    your girl was a nanny a few years ago.

    you dont marry the nanny.

    not before you break


    the records in golf

    black man.

    excuse me, but wasnt that the deal you signed when you sold your soul to nike?

    no way do you get the money, a few records, and the girl.

    people need to know that this wasnt a fluke.

    so im sorry but i cannot be the minister at your wedding.

    win ten tournaments in a row

    win a tournament in a koofi

    or better yet, win one in a dress

    and then i’ll let you marry that supra hot girl you got there.

    maybe the hottest player’s wife around.

    but until i can say something like, a black man not only won the masters but won it in a dress so fuck you all, then youre going to have to win a few hundred more tournaments

    before you game totally goes to hell.

    so, easy tiger

    you know how many nannys wanna marry me too

    we cant have you turning into pooh

    big dumptruck + holiday snowglobe + sean bonner + liljeqvist