1. Monday, November 17, 2003

    dont ever listen if i ever bitch. 

    about anything.

    didnt find out till this morning what this super hot chick did for a living. turns out she works for the florida orange growers. she was sent out here for two purposes: (1) to model at their annual convention which this year is oddly in california, (2) to convert me from an apple juice drinker to an orange juice drinker.

    unbeknownst to her, and her handlers, the florida orange growers convention isnt going to be here till next weekend. so this weekend all she did was laze around my place in a variety of lingerie, eating cinnasticks from dominoes, flipping through my tivo, and making sweet lust to me during my work breaks.

    i was working on Blook Two

    for your ass.

    we did it so much that this morning i woke up early and said, baby i dont think i can give it to you today, i hope you dont mind. and she said, i dont mind. and we listened to morning radio and laid there and i felt her up and she moaned a tiny bit. but not much. she pushed her ass up against me. pefect florida orange grower model ass. no panties. ever.

    she asked me to grab her tighter if i was gonna grab her.

    i was beat though.

    last night we watched Mystery Train off tivo. she’d never seen any jarmusch and since we did it to tom waits sunday morning i figured we would continue the theme with a movie where we hear my gravely voiced hero but didnt see him.

    i fell asleep in her arms like i normally do when i watch movies with hot chicks.

    i didnt write much on my site, and i didnt edit much of Blook even though she was a very good guest and didnt ask much of me and slept as she fought against her jet lag.

    i tried to get motivated by drinking rum right out of the bottle and smoking from a long hunter s thompson cigarette holder, but nothing worked. i should have just laid on that couch in that sweet girls arms and found out every little thing about her.

    i told her that i would drink more orange juice, i went to the market and got some frozen pulp free cans, but im drinking nantucket nectars pressed apple right now.

    some habits are hard to break.

    she told me that the florida orange growers saw that most of my hits come around breakfast time (9a – noon, pacific) and that if i talked about how much i like orange juice that maybe that would influence people into drinking more orange juice.

    i told her she was nuts. i told her that my readers were smarter than that. that if they wanted to drink coffee in the morn, or tea, that nothing that i did would sway them.

    she says its not about that. its about perception. its about the 18-34 demographic.

    i told her that if she got a web page and started drinking oj in her bikini

    she interrupted me and said, we dont say oj

    i was all, thats fucked up.

    she said, what? hes a murderer.

    i was like, bitch, the glove didnt fit.

    she was all, lets not fight.

    i was all, fuhrman said the n word.

    she was all, comeon, the blood trail, the dna, the cuts on his hands, the abuse, the 911 call.

    i was all, he was banging a playboy playmate, he wouldnt murder a woman who he had been doing since she was 18 because at thirty something she wanted to hump a waiter.

    then she said, tony, lets not fight.

    then she made me a mimosa.

    no pulp.

    and we kissed.

    bunnie + flagrant + virginia’s first photo essay!