1. Sunday, November 2, 2003

    my computer is still broke. 

    so here i am in the relatively quiet xbi offices typing away to you because i love you.

    and i havent felt this much love back in a long time. by long time, of course i mean days.

    my man mist profiled me so nicely i dont even know what to say. nice pics too.

    steph and lola say that im the only blog that they read every damn day! and for that i am rewarding them by stealing the pic of steph (right). thank you ladies.

    jason g from blogger + google says that i am the buzzing and vibrant blogging super celeb that camila dumbulia says is missing in the blogosphere. gratzi.

    the good doc searls was kind enough to quote me about my job offer to the chicago cubs and was nice enough to leave in my typo so as to keep it real. gracias, senior.

    and even my man trevor from ten gallon hat made a photo essay documenting halloween in arizona, but although he took a picture of our girl alecia, didnt let us see what her costume was. trevor!

    speaking of halloween costumes, ive just got two words for you melting dolls. yowza!

    im also here at the xbi because karisa let me borrow her xterra for the week as she flew back home to stand up at her brothers wedding, and since i have use of her kickass vehicle and since my computer is broke at home, here i can write chapter two of my novel for november novel writing month blah bladdy blah.

    i wrote chapter one last night while watching tv and playing playstation. i dont like writing out things longhand unless i have a great spiral notebook to write it in. and i couldnt find my spiral notebook that i got last year that has all these great skateboard stickers on it. but i promised myself that i would write five pages a day and at the end of the month id have a 150 page novel.

    since ive never written a novel before and since im sure this one will suck, i have done a few things to make the experience interesting.

    first it will be a novel of complete smut. it will be the dirtiest thing i have ever done and will probably ever do. it will include everything that i am scared to do as a writer and im terrified of future employers, lovers, friends to find out about me. of course it will be fiction but many times we write and are afraid that people will think that what we write is in the slightest bit true and then wont want to employ us or be our pals.

    fuck that.

    this is going to be the equivalent of Tarantinos Kill Bill which has been so critically and monetarily lauded that i even saw him on The View having his ass kissed by women who you wouldnt think would normally asskiss a guy who killed maybe 200 people in a film. mostly by sword.

    at least that many people will be having sex in my novel.

    and there will be drugs, satanism, drunk driving, people sending spam, cursing, poor dressing, unmade beds, lesbianism, indoor fireworks, bad grammar, dirty words, pop music, virgins losing their virginities, wild orgasms, orgies, alcoholism, petty politics, gun slinging, parallel parking, and double entendres like nobodys business.

    and if that doesnt offend you i might even throw in some poetry.

    im thinking about calling it 30 Days in the Hole, but i think of new titles almost every hour.

    The Ho Who Loved Me

    My Other Novel Is Way Better

    Fuck Camile Paglia

    Rush Limbaugh Sold Me Dope and then Showed Me His Schween

    George Bush Is My Hero

    Moby is a Dick

    69 Ways To Say I Love You

    Adults Only

    Oprah’s Secret Book Club Book

    in order to keep sex interesting to write about every damn day for five pages a day i have decided that i will not actually have any sex during the month of November. sorry ladies. and that means none with myself either. sorry me. and i will force myself to watch at least an hour of porn each day just to work myself up.

    hopefully the pent up anxiety will make itself to the computer and novel.

    and hopefully all of it will be deliciously sexy.

    thats the point after all.

    wish me luck!

    give anti your money so he can eat or smoke or drink. hes seriously broke. and i flowed the brotha some. so you should too.