1. Thursday, November 13, 2003

    theres good news and bad news to having more than a dozen readers to your blog. 

    lets start with the bad news.

    bad news is, if you find yourself in a moment of sadness and you want to write about that feeling, people will start emailing and commenting with words of advice. which is super nice. dont get me wrong. but sometimes a guy just wants to write about how depressed he is, just to vent.

    other bad news comes when the guy’s mom reads about how he wants to fling his black helicopter into the side of a mountain. it can be hard to explain to her that what he’s writing isnt literal, that its symbolic, dramatic. its not a cry for help. its just representative of wanting the madness to end. it’s far from suicidal.

    people dont realize it, but there is a certain freedom to not having a lot of readers. you can write whatever you want and people wont pay attention and/or freak out. with that freedom comes room to grow. if you want to dwell on the theme of misery for a week or two, you can. if you’re lucky you’ll end up writing a morrissey cd. if youre really lucky you’ll end up writing a cure cd.

    im not a sad person, but i can get sad. im definitely not a pessimist, but sometimes i will pay a little more attention to the devil part of my brain that whispers that everything is not going to be ok. and for some crazy reason, sometimes listening to that part will fuel parts of my personality that can write some pretty interesting sad stuff.

    and once that is written i become happy and everythings cool beans.

    i will never be elliott smith, america.

    i will never take a knife and put it into my heart in one motion and die on a floor in east hollywood.

    i am a devout Christian. im a minister. the good book says you dont get to go to the good place if you ace yourself.

    but i am a normal person and sometimes i get depressed. especially when the cubs lose in the playoffs when theyre up 3 games to 1 with the last two games to be played at wrigley. and i can totally get depressed when i look around at my place of employment and see my alleged talents being taken for granted day after day, year after year.

    with that lets talk about the good news of having more than a dozen readers to your blog on a day that youre depressed.

    of course the comments are sweet, and thats nice, but i feel guilty, but its still nice.

    but then the random stuff happens like you shouldnt be surprised if a new girl, a great girl, asks you if youve ever used NetMeeting. and you say, sorta but not really, and she shows you how to use it, and you get it going and she invites you to see her cam

    and there she is

    and shes in a robe

    and you go, uh

    and she goes theres no reason to be sad today tony

    and then she removes the robe and dances around a little.

    then she says that she would like to call me.

    and then i let her call me.

    and there she is on the screen in the net meeting window, on her cam, naked little skinny girl, sweet ass, perky bod, shockingly platinum blonde, oh and whats that, boots. she does have some clothes on. boots.

    she tells me that im her favorite blog and she hopes she has cheered me up.

    and i say yes she has cheered me up.

    and she says great is there anything else she can do for me.

    and i say yes.

    i ask her to marry me.

    and she says of course she will marry me.

    and that my friends is a true story and it happened last night.

    so fuck the democratic national committee for not getting back to me. all i need apparently is the busblog.

    thank you blogger.

    mom finds out about blog + jim nichols + PlanetKevin