1. Monday, December 15, 2003

    people dont ask, but they should. 

    and my answer would be, yes, it is tiresome always being right.

    but not as irritating as being so damn good looking.

    whats really buggin me today isnt the reactionary collective wtf from some of my readers that im not all jumping for joy that “we got him”, it’s the fungus that has decided to collect on my right arch.

    i know how exactly it got there, and i will now tell you how it got there since deeper topics upset simpleminded people so.

    when i was a lad i was an allstar athelete, and because there was very little parental supervision i didnt shower much.

    i know, gross.

    so what happened is my feet became bombarded with all the playground dirt and grime and sweat and puke and blood and lust of adolescence and i came down with some very bad cases of athletes feet.

    republicans love it when i give them a break.

    theyd rather i talk about anything other than the obvious.

    theyd rather we all rejoice with ding dong the bitch is dead than oh yeah he didnt actually blow our shit up.

    theyd rather fund tv commercials that say bullshit like buying a joint from a guy at an aerosmith concert funds terrorism.

    its that line of thought that they use to say that iraq was involved in nine eleven… sorta, so lets get em.

    and then it’s the line of thought of oh no we cant go to riyadh, where nine eleven was born because oh scary that would bring world war three.

    how fucked up are things when the king of peace, tony pierce, bare chested woman on the front of the viking ship of pacisfism says if theres going to be a world war three it needs to happen when you hijack airplanes and 9/11 america the beatuiful – and the repubs are not with me.

    how fucked up are things when theyre willing to buy their own bs and then try to sell it to us.

    the day those buildings went down they were talking about osama. not saddam. they went to afghanistan, not iraq. when they couldnt find osama they went after saddam.

    they didnt go after him for any humanitarian cause, they said he had big time weapons. they didnt say that he tortured his people and we have to stop him, they said that he was making chemical weapons. they said they had proof. they said they had witnesses.

    they had nothing.

    now they have something. they have an old man.

    all the technology in the world, all the satellite systems, all the spy planes, all the inspections, all the kings money and all the kings men, and it took a stool pigeon 9 months into the occupation for america to find the old man we were looking for. the scape goat. looking like a scape goat, hiding like an animal, under a mound of dirt in a hole covered by a throw rug.

    why was there a throw rug there?

    just looking suspicious.

    dont get me wrong, im glad the throw rug was on top of the mound of dirt, i want every bad guy in the planet in jail, but did they really think they needed a throw rug?

    whatever.

    i got athletes foot from the shoes i wore when me and karisa danced all night.

    thats all half of you really want to hear, so there it is.

    variety blog + aaron gleeman + howard owens