1. Tuesday, January 13, 2004

    a select few people 

    are getting the wrong impression about me on the internet. and since im too lazy to make an About section to summarize whatever it is that should be summarized in a smart and tidy little witty way let me just do it the way that we always do it here which is of course long and drawn out.

    i should have probably been drowned when i was born but life isnt fair and ta da here i am for you.

    im the greatest employee. im hardly ever sick, i get along with pretty much everyone who isnt a total jagoff, i dont mind working late, im completely versitile and im ridiculously loyal even if being paid an insulting wage.

    i keep a nice-looking desk, im bubbling full of genius ideas, i ride the bus to work and i thoughorly wash my hands after i pinch a loaf.

    at home i am a dirty, filthy, reclusive 110 year old man totally addicted to the internet, televised american sports, porn, bleeding-edge technology, and popular music videos. my sex drive peaked years ago. my eating habits have stabalized. my rum drinking is certifiably under control. but my mansion is usually cluttered, stuffy, and riddled with lust.

    i have lived long enough to learn that the people you need to impress are already impressed with you, and those who will never be impressed should be utterly ignored.

    focus on your mother.

    would she be happy with what youre doing?

    big picture.

    for that reason i never became a porn star, a drug dealer, or a congressman, even though i know i would have succeeded in mythological ways. sure my mom would have been proud that i was best in my field, but it was best in a field of shit.

    but ultimately, your mom will always be proud of you, so quit sucking freuds dick and get on with your own life




    good bands focus on the crowd at hand.

    its not about selling a zillion records in new zealand.

    it’s about making the people in the house dance.

    i hate phonies. i hate liars. call me anything you want but you cant call me a liar. and if i lied let me know immediately and we will clean that shit up pronto as in pronto as in now motherfucker, now.

    i know im not the most easy man to always deal with and for that reason i am most grateful in life to the women who have not only put up with my dumbass bullshit but then knealt down before me

    if theres anyone who knows i dont deserve shit, not even the three squares and a roof that i would get in the joint, its me, but that doesnt mean that i should bullshit anyone in my daily walk, especially those who happen to stumble across this little sand in the hourglass.

    i get a thousand hits a day on this blog. its more than lots. but its not even close to some. and even if i got more than everyone i would still keep it real as in really real as in really though because keeping it real is why we love nwa and angus young and bob dylan and why we hate as in HATE people who try to bullshit us.

    because this is what bullshitting is

    its one person saying

    you are too fucking stupid to know that im bullshitting you right now so here it is.

    the lies dont insult me, it’s the part of me that you thought you could capitalize on.

    which is exactly the part that i play keep away with the nba cheerleaders who often frequent my bachelor pad.

    im a man full of love. bubbling over. but also steaming of hate. my hate has no end.

    i hate people who cant think for themselves and make decisions off shit they Know makes no sense. i hate people who think a blowjob in the oval office is truly something to impeach someone over. i hate people who dont think precisely as i do and i hate people who dont know that i know that nobody thinks precisely as i do.

    i hate newspapers which seduced me and then just as quickly all sold out. all.

    i hate radio which was once my salvation but now is nothing but a way for the devil to make me hate from a deeper place, dare i say Special place.

    i can run for hours. i can spit straight between my front teeth. im deeply religous. i drink red labeled whole fresh milk.

    im a great bowler. im a lazy but skillful lover. im a dull but loyal boyfriend. and im the worst enemy of all time.

    but mostly im just an american man slowly aging

    and who will one day

    before you know it

    be dead.

    but not gone.

    cuz nothing good really goes away.

    and as little self esteem i have,

    i know that im good

    if only at writing on this faggy little bullshit blog.

    sk smith + jaime + d.lo