1. Wednesday, January 21, 2004

    walking to the xbi today a bullet whistled past me 

    xbi headquarters and i didnt even look up. why give them the satisfaction? i didnt shoot back cuz some people want us to take them out and i only take out tall blondes.

    this month.

    but often i think to myself what am i doing here. how did i get in this situation. how is this happening again.

    it doesnt matter if its a great situation or a crappy situation i always feel the same way and i always say the same thing. its never why me, its how did i get here.

    crazy thing is i never seek this stuff out. it just happens. i came to the xbi to fly chopper one, true, but i thought being thousands of feet above the “action” would keep me away from the gnarliness, but its so not true. youre in the middle of the damn mess. youre the quarterback in a way, you see everything and its your job to not only direct whats happening but position yourself so the robotic cams can see whats happening.

    i hate to say it, but it blows.

    then theres the women. theres far too many. theyre at work. theyre at the crib. theyre on the phone. theyre on the web. at 110 years old theyre not as mysterious and fascinating as they were when i was young dumb and full of but dont get me wrong i still love them but in the same way i feel about music or baseball cards or ikea. its nice when youre there playing around but sheesh.

    had a great conversation with an ex girlfriend last night and she was all uptight about how she doesnt have a man and how lonely she feels and i used to feel that way about the ladies but thankfully thats gone. i prefer the company of women but im no longer ruled by the desire. i like to mess around but im no longer engrossed.

    id much rather read and write and watch my tivo.

    which is why i hardly ever get to do those things much.

    cuz life isnt fair.

    and it never was.

    and in a few minutes im going to find that motherfucker who took that cheap shot at me. and introduce them to someone who still gets a thrill evening scores.

    kate sullivan + lick + club the penguin