im not ignoring her. im just not interested anymore. in her. and her dumb ass. which is russian. and married to a boybander. without the decency to britney spears that shit off.
someone bid on my fro. i forget who told me. mighta been my truest. cant remember. today has been a blur.
people need to bid on that shit. my mom wrote me an email this morning and said that even for my standards what im doing is gross.
if it had been a phone call i woulda told her that it shouldnt matter what im auctioning off, its for charity. if i had a bag of dirt on there people should bid so that the poor and the sick and the sexy can get free medical aid from the Hollywood Free Clinic on sunset blvd.
and since when is hair gross?
i know that jerry seinfeld has that joke about how we love hair when its on peoples heads but we instantly hate it when it’s no longer attatched.
its a joke because its true, but it shouldnt be true. hair isnt gross. it’s hair. its the same thing that we pretend makes someone look good or look bad. hair is dumb. image is dumb. hair in a plastic bag on my chair in my hollywood bungalow is dumb, not gross.
everyone, however, especially those at the xbi say that what im doing is gross.
what im doing is beautiful. im raising money for a charity. and youre helping.
and its funny.
and its right.
and it makes you think a little.
and for each bid that i get miss montreal says she will come over to my house and please me orally and thats a good thing.
trust me, its a good thing.
and heres what i will do. whoever is the highest bidder, let me know and i will link their website. in fact everyone who bids will get their pages linked. how about that smarties? huh? huh!
the other day i gave a hot girl a key to my house.
i tried to play it cool and say, my maid has one, so you might as well have one.
truth was i didnt like keeping my back door open when she would come over at night when i was in the shower.
scary enough being in a shower alone with nothing to protect you except a .45 and a back door cam, but to have a door wide open for just any old yahoo to slip in through is silly.
i told karisa this and she said, ooooo she can come in whenever she wants and i said yep.
and we drank a two dollar shot and i said yep again. feeling slightly defeated somehow.
which is just as dumb as you all thinking that my fro in a freezer bag is gross. so there.