1. Friday, February 6, 2004

    im chatting with ms melting dolls. 

    i have a little crush on her. i think everyone does though. i dont mind.

    i dont get jealous that easily. i dont mind when people hang out with others. i hang out with others.

    sometimes on the bus when im daydreaming i think about what it would be like to be this gurls boyfriend or that girls husband or this or that.

    this morning i was thinking what it would be like to be her boyfriend.

    the last girl who i was with i became very archie bunkerish. i sat in my chair and watched tv and just didnt move until it was time to go to work. i was super boring. i bored her to tears. seriously. i even think one time i saw her crying and i said whats wrong and she said just bored. i said hit me with a board cuz youre the best and she said im too bored to find a board to hit you with, so i rolled ontop of her and made passionate love. i loved that girl. i still do. i got jealous of her the other day. not of her but of the boy who got to be with her.

    i can count on one hand the number of times ive been jealous over the last two-three years.

    i get jealous of weird things. like of people who have infinity pools or hot tubs. or people who get to go to good concerts.

    or people who have figured out how to stay in santa barbara.

    today after i thought what a dull boyfriend i would be to ms bunny mcintosh cuz all id do is make hot love to her and order thai i thought of all the jobs i should be applying for:

    bus driver, taxi driver, caddy, wine bottle opener, etc.

    but deep down i think the best job i could think of right now would be paris hiltons chauffer. the girl obviously likes to drink and party, and the way im thinking i could drive her sweet ass to the club, drink sodas at the bar and when she taps me on the shoulder i could hop into the range rover and take her to the next place.

    i wouldnt ever rat her out to the press. fuck the press. i wouldnt ever write any books about her. unless she wanted me to. im a loyal man. a good employee. i like the nightlife and i dont even need to have a drink in my hand to feel right and shit if im on the clock i cant enjoy my baileys so why even bother.

    i wouldnt care if she got busy in the backseat i wouldnt care if she got busy in the front seat. i do mind that shes locking lips with that boybander but to each her own. its just a job. wax on wax off.

    tgif bitches.

    sk smiff needs to interview kitty bukkake for next weeks lick