1. Thursday, February 12, 2004

    john woo says im the luckiest man alive. 

    we bowled at streamwood lanes last night. road trip. some hotties were there distracting us. we went into the match in first place. i had dropped down to being the second best bowler in the league.

    we started out with mgds. i didnt have any control and this one particular black girl was looking great. only problem was i was sweating from some shit that had happened in the unfriendly skies during 9-5 and i wasnt at my freshest.

    and i wasnt bowling well. i dont know what was the problem but i figured i should at least hit on this babe and distract her from the fact that i was missing spares by justthismuch.

    she admitted that even though she looked just like a chick from my sports illustrated desk calendar that she had only been intimate with one man. somehow this didnt help my concentration at the line.

    so ordered a round of shots.

    she drank the captain morgans and pretended that she hadnt ever before.

    mmm this is suprisingly good. she said.

    i was all, girl, you know those full lips have wrapped themselves around the good captain before and even though she had dark skin i could see her blush cuz you cant bullshit a bullshitter at the bowling alley of all places.

    kid rock played through the tinny speakers next to the bar. i made some headway with the chickie as her friend did her best to cockblock me but i have all the workaround for all the cblockers and maybe one day you will be able to read my best selling book called cockblock this bitch.

    what you have to do when someone runs interference is do as the matadors do and make them think theyve got you and then just turn your hips eversoslightly straighten your back and flash that sword and slap that beast on the ass as he bludgeons past you. do it latin style and hear the applause.

    did i tell you im part latin?

    mais, oui.

    somehow the conversation ended up in the gutter which is fine. its good to see the limits a lady will go with you verbally with her friend next to her. if she goes too far in there shes a ho. if she gets flustered you have something to work with. if she wont even go there and puts her hands over her ears or seriously looks truly shocked.

    they left in the middle of the third game after the alcohol had hit me perfect and oiled my pitching arm. it was cool.

    until the games were over and everyone had left.

    my man john woo pulled the truck around. we drove a few blocks and i had realized that i hadnt brought my lil school bag. so we hightailed it back to the lanes.

    no bag.

    which meant no keys no security bag no cell phone no porn on dvd no Pimp by iceberg slim and all that cash i had heisted from that mother fucker was no longer in my possession.

    all i had was me john woo my buzz and his vehicle.

    i did remember miss montreals number.

    it was nearly midnight.

    i had remembered that i had given her that key just the other day.

    how i remembered her number is beyond me cuz this lil bowler hardly ever calls the ladies. they call him. ha!

    but i did remember and i called and she answered and she said yes come over.

    and john woo said dude you went from homeless and cold to having a big titted hottie waiting for you within 5 minutes.

    and we sped down wilshire and even the buildings smiled a secret lil smile of youbastard.

    best week ever + ravenwolf + bunnie will soon write for lick :)