my astrology says that this is a good time

for me to look up into the heavens and bitch to the Lord Almighty about all the things that are going wrong in my life.

It says that if i do this then the Lord will look down on me and will fix all my problems.

It says that the way the planets are arranged right now I could have anything I wanted.

I have nothing to complain about and all I want is for my mom and my friends to be happy.

And for the Cubs to win the world series.

And for a safe to fall on our president’s empty head.

I’m a strong healthy black man with dsl directv rent control and a new showerhead. what more could a man want.

i have vacation in 5 hours. i get to spend the next three days with ms. bunny mcintosh.

my favorite band, tsar, is about to come out with the best record of 2004

what on earth would i have to bitch about to the creator of the universe?

world poverty? smog? gasoline prices?

shoot me in the head when i get seriously pissed off about gasoline prices. k?

me and bunny went food shopping the other day and she was all, wow, its expensive this food. i was all, this is the ghetto Foods 4 Less, only way it gets any cheaper is to steal it from your neighbors’s fridge.

im not a complainer.

my astrology says the squeaky wheel gets the grease. but this blogger knows that IF theres a plan for me, all the huffing and puffing wont blow down the door of despair. the only thing that makes dreams come true is the big fella. and if he doesnt want me to have the things that i think i want then i have to be cool with that, and i am cool with that. i will probably never have a house or kids that look like me or interns who come from the bank with wheelbarrows of cash for me, but i have enough. i dont need to ask for any more.

except for my mom to be happy.

and the cubs to win.

and this lamp.

welch + science blog + i heart kate sullivan

have i ever told you that i understand anything?

i dont. i dont understand a damn thing.

people ask me why i get more hits than them. fuck if i know. people ask me how i get away with murder. and i dont know that either.

i wonder why people call me their hero. i wonder why people want to party with me. i wonder why super hot babes want to come to my house for spring break and be way cuter in real life. but we could go all day and all night and some of the morning asking why when all along the answer is a simple one.


life isnt fair. life isnt predictable. life isnt perfect. but life is good. it’s very good. if you hang in there everything evens out and if youre the right dumbass at the right time the sky will open up and down will fall buckets of fun.

im not sorry i havent updated much lately. i told you i wasnt going to and i lived up to my promise. you can call me whatever you want but im generally a man of my word. i promised lots of pics and ive given some pics. lots will start appearing tomorrow when i can fully start spring breaking. today is my last day on call, so of course this morning they woke me from my pleasant bed and told me that i have to come in. so here i am. in.

if life was fair i wouldnt have half the shit i have now. id probably still be working at sears. assistant manager of dept 57 or some shit busting peoples asses for not selling enough warranties. but thankfully it isnt and even though im not entertaining my southern visitor, if i have to work, today is a day that is great to work: its warm, its sunny, its clear, and the crime we’re about to fight is exactly the type that i love: vengeful crime.

today we get to bust some motherfuckers that we’ve been after for a long delicious time. we’ve been staking these asswipes out for months and todays the day and it couldnt be sweeter. they are very bad people and theyre going to get spanked by the x and it’s so big you might even hear it in your part of the usa.

last night my boy anti came over. good people. i never really know what to do when people come over so usually we just drink, watch tv and i give them stuff. i gave anti a bukowski book cuz he says he never read him before. first i was going to give him The Most Beautiful Woman in Town but bunny said that it wasnt a good one so i gave Notes of a Dirty Old Man or something. i forget. i was toasted. thankfully i wasnt driving.

no hangover today which is nice. but also what happens when people send you cuban rum. thanks people.

i will do my best to live up to your high ideals but deep down im just a dumbass from hollywood.

tsar was amazing on sunday.