1. Tuesday, March 16, 2004

    god i hate the yankees. 

    but the question is, do i hate the yankees more than the republicans? no. because even though the yankees cheat and steal and dont play fair, nobody ever dies. my life isnt affected by george steinbrenner directly. gas prices dont change when they sign their fourth $100 million player.

    it’s also hard to root against republicans cuz thats like rooting against your left foot. i can boo the yanks all day long and i can boo the president but i cant really root against him because thats like hoping america fails and i wouldnt ever want that. ever. which is one huge difference between lefties and the others. the lefties at least understand that even when the election is stolen, you cant actually Hope for the biggest budget deficit of all time and the highest gas prices ever cuz thats not good for the world.

    the yankees going on a 100 year losing streak, however, is good for the world. if derek jeter and a.rod slipped in the shower today, strangely that would be good for baseball. but if osama continues to run free thats not good for america or the world.

    and even if he’s caught under bush’s watch that doesnt mean that bush should get re-elected.

    unless bush catches him himself.

    singlehandedly.

    which is another difference between the liberals and the o’reillys. the right hated clinton so damn much they wouldnt have been cool with him no matter what he did. not surpluses or prosperity or peace or growth or anything. he wore the wrong color hat so he was hated. blindly hated. no matter how good he was for the country and the world. blowjobs dont matter so much when you think about how a man is doing for his country and for the planet. nor should they.

    but republicans are so uptight about sex be it via gay marriage or radio talk show hosts or nipples on the superbowl that they couldnt care less what it does to the country they want it out of their face. even if its not in their face. and thats why they suck worse than the yankees.

    ultimately i suppose we need the dark side. we need the so called establishment. regardless of how damaging they are to everyone around them. how ugly they play. how they abuse the spirit of the rules.

    we need them to feel better about ourselves.

    no matter how big a fuckup i am now or will be in the future, i will never be as big a loser as the president of the united states who wipes his ass with the constitution, who has lockjaw from blowing the rich, and whose fist stinks from fisting freedom.

    and no matter how hard im destined to fail one day, it wont be as bad as when the yankees dont win the world series this year despite having a rod, jeter, giambi, matsui, posada, bernie, and shef.

    in the end, baseball is great because you cannot buy a world series. you can buy a team but you cant buy a title.

    some things, mr. president, can not be stolen.

    and thats why bush sucked as a baseball owner.

    but we cubfans thank you for trading away sammy sosa.

    like i said, there is a reason for the darkside.

    its to make us feel better.

    sk smith + moxie + sheila o’malley