what you do with a 22 year old virgin on her birthday.
get her drunk. duh.
what i did first though was i suprised her at her place of business. i know she gets off work at 6:30p so i made it to her place at 6. slipped the door guard a fiver to let me up unannounced and suprised her with a bouquet of flowers. one two three awwww.
then i asked her where she wanted to eat. she was so happy and shocked that i had shown up and suprised her that she said she didnt care where we ate. i said, even thai? she said even thai. which meant that she was in a great mood cuz she hates thai.
she drove us east down hollywood blvd and we parked in front of palms thai, home of the thai elvis impersonator. it wasnt yet dinner time so it wasnt crowded. i ordered a pad thai for her, and a shrimp fried rice and tom kha kah soup for my self.
the lady said that it would take a good 15 minutes to make the grub and we were getting this to go winkwinknudgenudge so we took a romantic stroll down east hollywood which isnt romantic at all.
i remembered that courtney love’s old strip haunt Jumbo’s Clown Room was near by and we ducked in for a quickie little peek and a quickie little beer n shot.
normally the women look pretty skanky but last night they had three pretty hot babes in there being all hot and playing Tom Waits songs which is precisely what you want to hear in a seedy neighborhood in hollywood at a one-girl-at-a-time strip club where theres no cover no hype and two stools in the back for lap dances.
headed out buzzed got the food and got to my house where we did everything-but. which included a vicious game of backgammon and a sexy couple of rounds of charades.
i kept guessing, “do me now?”
“do me Right now?”
but i was wrong.
but that dirty little girl did get all her 22 birthday spankings, thats for damn sure.
then i worked on lick till 4:20am as she snored on my couch waiting for her knight in shining armor to arrive.
some would say shes still waiting.