1. Monday, March 15, 2004

    remind me to never 

    return from vacation again.

    woke up cold. woke up beat. fucking dreams which have left me alone for years and years and years came back with a vengeance this last week.

    unlike most people im not a fan of dreams. those little lies that catch us when we’re at our most vulnerable. and unlike most people i usually have incredibly sound, refreshing sleep. which is why i dont need much of it mostly.

    got on the train. hated everyone. got in the elevator, hated the old man who stuck his big paw in the way of the door as my car was about to lift up. hated the lady with the baby. hated the kids.

    even though it was a pleasure to keep the company of ms bunny mcintosh, my idea of a vacation is to sit on my couch and watch tv and sleep and fart and eat and get tired of doing nothing. our lil redhead from georgia was an excellent guest but on saturday when she had left i was finally able to relax.

    yesterday i still wasnt completely at ease, however, because half the girls i date were incredibly jealous of the fact that i paid so much attention to one girl and not them and all but one of them didnt even want to talk with me.

    this did wonders to my stress levels which rarely go much higher than barely there.

    unless im at work where they’re always at max levels.

    why am i living the life that im living, america?

    what great sin am i paying for?

    part of me thinks that if i had just stayed in hangoverpark, ill i would have a house a mortgage a mini van, some kids, some wives, some dogs, and something in common with the rest of my high school graduating class.

    instead i dont even know whats going on.

    i thought about what new job i could have while i sat at the busstop. i remembered how they used to have a guy standing at the stop at wilshire and western, he had a walkie talkie. he would tell the busses to get the fuck over there. kept everything running smoothly. during the bus strike they got rid of that guy. i think i would like that job.

    i keep thinking i want to be a high school teacher.

    fuck that though.

    now im thinking i should just be a benefactee.

    someone that people can leave their fortunes to when they kick off and want to piss off their kids.

    that ones sitting better with me.

    leah + bloopy + it’s my life