1. Wednesday, March 24, 2004

    today’s birthdays: March 24 

    Producer, animator Joseph Barbera is 93. Co-founder of the Hanna Barbera cartoon empire which brought us such classics as Tom & Jerry, Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear, Scooby Doo, The Flinstones, The Jetsons, The Atom Ant Show, Magilla Gorilla, Jonny Quest, Josie & the Pussycats, Motormouse, and The Smurfs.

    Happy birthday old man, you make all of todays animators look like slackers.

    Acid-eating poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti is 84. Best known for his City Lights book store in San Francisco, home of all the great beat writers. Proof that sex drugs and rock wont kill you.

    Cher’s favorite showgirl-esque fashion designer Bob Mackie is 64. He’s won seven Emmys, including awards for his work on various Cher specials as well as the TV series “Mama’s Family” and “Carol & Company.” Yes, they give awards for going to Wal*Mart to clothe Mama’s Family.

    Oscar-winning director Curtis Hanson is 59. After getting the golden statuette for the movie “L.A. Confidential” he directed Eminem in “8 Mile”. He also helmed the “Wonder Boys.” Because of Curtis the Crossroads of the World’s globe now spins atop the crazy building on Sunset Blvd. Thanks, Curt.

    Musician & Producer Nick Lowe is 55. Best known for writing “(What’s So Funny About) Peace, Love & Understanding” which Elvis Costello covered. Lowe produced several Costello projects including his first album “My Aim Is True” where Huey Lewis’s band The News backed up the bespeckled Costello during such classics as “Allison.”

    Fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger is 53. Fuck Tommy Hilfucker.

    Emmy Award-winning fat guy Louie Anderson is 53. Somehow he won two Emmys for his animated kids show “Life with Louie.” But he will probably be best known for being the oaf who took over Family Feud for Richard Dawson and came out of the closet making everyone think: there are gay guys interested in Louie Anderson’s ass?

    Supertramp bassist Dougie Thomson is 53. They made that one song on “Breakfast in America” and we never heard from them again. This guy could be my gardener for all I know and judging from my lawn he probably is. Fuck Tommy Hilfucker.

    Actress Donna Pescow is 50. After being John Travolta’s girlfriend in “Saturday Night Fever” she went on to be forgotten on the TV series “Even Stevens” and “Angie.”

    Actress, model, and 80s hearthrob Kelly LeBrock is 44. “Weird Science” and “The Woman in Red” were huge hits back in the day and I was lucky enough to check out some video tapes for her during that period of time, and all I can say is makeup and lighting people in the industry just dont get paid enough. Still, I’d hit it.

    Big fat black Star Jones is 42. In a close race she is officially the most annoying yenta of “The View” especially now that she is engaged to a man half her size. Theres an old joke about how you make love to a fat woman (roll her in flour and aim for the wet spots). It’s an old joke because back in those days there was enough flour to cover most obese women. Not so after Star’s romance with the new Steadman.

    Actress Annabella Sciorra is 40. Probably best known as the Mercedes-selling former fling of Tony Soprano, she was also the mom in the “Hand That Rocks The Cradle” and the interracial love interest of Wesley Snipes in “Jungle Fever”. Doest look a day over 45. Still, I’d hit that as well.

    Jack Nicholson’s ex-squeeze Lara Flynn Boyle is 34. The size 0 star hit it big with “Twin Peaks”, “The Practice” and wearing that ballerina costume to the Oscars. I’d hit it but i’d break it.

    Irish musician Sharon Corr of the Coors is 34. I have no clue which one she is, but since theyre all hot it really doesnt matter who she is does it. I hope shes the fiddle player though. Not sure why.

    How could Alyson Hanningan be 30 today? Famous for her bandcamp tales in the “American Pie” movies some of us find her lesbian work in “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” grossly overlooked.

    And finally little Keisha Castle-Hughes turns 14 today. When she was nominated for her work in “Whale Rider” last year she became the youngest Best Actress nominee in the history of the Academy Awards. It was her first feature film showing that experience means nothing to Oscar.

    synthetic reality + ryan schofield + madpony