1. Monday, April 26, 2004

    i just got off the phone. it was a semi-job-interview. 

    no i wasnt interviewing to drive semi trucks. it was a job that i didnt want but it pays buttloads.

    they asked me if i liked being a superhero. i said that being a superhero is a dumb job cuz nobody cares unless you die or fuckup and blow shit up accidentally. they asked me to explain so i did.

    i said that nobody cared that Pat Tillman, for example, gave up his $3 mil nfl contract to go fight in the army rangers until he was killed last week in afghanistan.

    i said in a way the same goes for close games in sports. nobody calls your team great unless the game gets close. if you blow a team out 73-0 more people will think that one of the teams just totally sucked, they wont think that the winning team totally dominated.

    they didnt understand that one so much. and instead of asking for clarification they went into other areas of the interview.

    they asked me why i liked my current job. i said because my employer understands the legality of my two government mandated 15-minute breaks which allows me to write on my blog.

    then they asked me what a blog was and i told them that i probably wouldnt fit in at their newspaper.

    then the guy told me that this was the most unconventional interview that he had ever been part of because the applicant was bowwing out over one question.

    i told him the applicant wasnt bowwing out over one question, i told him that the applicant was bowwing out over one answer.

    then i told him that when you put an andy warhol velvet underground tshirt on an olsen twin it doesnt make the twin cooler, it makes the image of the record less cool. the record itself will never be uncool. it will be classic. but the image and therefore the tshirt will never be as cool because not only did a twin wear it but she wore it in got milk ad.

    he didnt understand that either and asked me if i wrote the way i talked and i asked him how much of my stuff he had read and he said some and i said i love to write the way i talk but i usually write better than i speak because i have time to go over it and edit out all the ums ahhs and fucks.

    then he laughed because he noticed an awful lot of fucks in my blog.

    i said, so you do know what a blog is.

    he said is that what i was reading of yours? then he told me that it took a long time to appear on his computer.

    i asked him if he had dsl or cable modem and he said he wasnt sure.

    he said he had aol.

    and thats when i told him that i had to go back to saving the world.

    he said, but

    and i said i will not be the tshirt that you put on the pretty girl to convince the world that youre down.

    that, i have great confidence, he understood, cuz he didnt say anything.

    he just exhaled.

    hottest girl at the xbi + xeni + howard owens