1. Friday, April 23, 2004

    when i was younger and in romantic relationships 

    i could be sort of a dictator. i didnt know how else to act and for some reason that came natural and was easy to do.

    it was distructive and uncool and stupid, but it was easy.

    now i try not to give a fuck. if a chick doesnt want to go out after she says she does, whatev. if a chick wants to be late for the date, whatev.

    in lots of ways im the perfect guy to date.

    i even forget all the dirty things these girls do to me.

    but work is a totally different thing for some reason.

    at work ive turned from mellow to gnarly. i get so pissed off when people break the rules and i get super super pissed when they run around like it’s no biggie.

    i get so angry its bizarre. here i am mellowman ace and i can get set off when the phone rings when it shouldnt.

    im the furthest thing from professionalism in that i dress like a fucking slob, im not as detail orientated as i ought to be, but when it comes to standards and practices im the fucking example.

    in the xbi its the only way.

    if communication and followthrough arent totally on point, people literally die. and even though im not totally in love with everyone around me, death is a motherfucker. plus, even though i dont get paid shit here i want to do a good job. is that so crazy?

    today is beautiful. its warm for the first time in a long time. and by warm i mean hot. all i want to do is get out of here but we have these fucking idiots who think that things are on their schedule. theyre going home right now and we have to wait for their paperwork to arrive – shit that shoulda been here fucking yesterday morning – and then we have to process it and then we can go home.

    im not one to bitch, you know that. just fridays. warm fridays. fridays means get out early. i couldnt even fly much today cuz it was windy. when its windy i have to help out on the paperwork and if i bitch someones gonna call me a primadonna cuz i hardly ever have to do paperwork but fuck this shit.

    what if i decided to go to a location a day and a half after we were supposed to? why can people do their shit 36 hours after theyre supposed to, but i cant?

    of course they will say that i can kill people and they cant but i dont run around killing people when im pissed off.

    i want a job where i work with pros. how hard is that?

    i want a job where when the shit is done everyone gets to go home and enjoy the sunshine.

    i want a job where everyone can look each other in the eye and say right on.

    i used to have such a situation.

    but now i fly chopper one for the xbi and everythings fuct. and it all went to shit when they took the apple juice out of the coke machine.

    makeout city + bob mould + vacant