i know the new york times on 5/27 says i have a girlfriend.
i dont. i swear. i dont.
we’re not used to having two days without sunshine. because of the sun we tolerate the gridlocked freeways, the expensive rents, and the movie industry closing down our favorite restaurants and strip clubs in order to film.
last night the lakers made mincemeat out of minnesota. kobe only took two shots in the first half just to toy with the timberwolves’ emotions. the lakergirls didnt even aplly any glitter. they should just give us our rings now.
tonight im seeing prince with my true love. her car got broken into last night but she doesnt care cuz shes seeing prince tongiht with me. my carpel tunnel is kicking in so hard and i dont care cuz im seeing the artist and i know that the carpal tunnel is the devil in my wristbone and he doesnt want me to spread the good news. so fuck him.
last night i was up till 3am. im a fool. im a superfool. this morn i woke up and heard howard stern talking to wendy the retard and it was wonderful. the devil doesnt want me to type about this either.
tomorrow i will probably get mentioned in the new york times. hopefully in a postitive way, but you never know. so if you are near a newsstand that has the paper of record tomorrow pick it up and read all about it.
will it help me get a job as a writer? doubt it. last year the LA Times called this very blog the “most entertaining blog in LA” and nobody was knocking down my door and to be honest i didnt really push anyone to get a gig writing anywhere either. but still, you’d think someone would write me and see what my rate is to spice up their online presence.
but no. life isnt like that.
life, just like dating, just like most things, is about going out there with your big fat black bat and beating people over the head with it and dragging home what you can. you can be nice all you want but opportunity rarely knocks, youve got to knock it over and sink your teeth in and take a huge bite.
how do you think we got america.
sad part about taking what you want. i was at dodger stadium the other day with the super hot clipper girl’s cousin. i forget what game we saw. dodgers against someone. and she said wow, how did they get all this land up on top of this hill like this, must have gotten it a long time ago before there were any houses.
but there were always houses on top of hills.
and i told her the story about how they displaced all these poor families who lived on chavez ravine in 1960 when the dodgers moved from brooklyn to LA.
and i told her the story about how when FOX bought the dodgers from the O’Malley family that they also got the land that dodger stadium sits on.
and i invited her to look around and think about how many mcmansions you could build on that land if you were to move Dodger Stadium somewhere else like Irwindale or Downtown.
and all the millions you could make.
and she said but where did all the people go when they knocked down their homes.
and i reminded her that those were the little details that nobody wants to think about.
she said, what, they had to move to pasadena or something?
i said, worse.
she said, echo park?
i said, worse.
she said, south central?
i said, worse.
and just then someone walked past wearing an Angel hat.
she said the OC?
and i nodded.
and she said, sheeeeeet. and i said, yeah. i know.