1. Sunday, May 9, 2004

    dont hate me cuz im a lucky ass. 

    woke up this morning with a hot girl who is so honest with me that she said, dont take this the wrong way but ive been trying to date this guy and the only time that he’s available is on sunday breakfast. and he doesnt have my number, so he knocks on my door on sundays to ask to walk me to breakfast, so i have to make sure that im home in time for the knock.

    so she ran off this morn and i called my mom to wish her a happy mothers day and we talked about flowers and house prices when i get a click on my call waiting. and i see that its my old college roommate sam. as much as we love each other, we really dont call each other much except regarding lakers tickets and tsar shows.

    now everyone knows that today at twelve thirty pacific the lakers are going to take on the defending champs the san antonio spurs who are up 2-0 in the western conference playoffs.

    and i think to myself in a split second that sam just might have an extra ticket for me.

    so i ask my mother if she wouldnt mind hanging on for a second as i answer the call on the other end, which is a rude thing to do, particularilly to your mother, especially on mothers day, but shes a sports fan and i thought that she would understand.

    and it is my pal sam, and not only does he have a ticket, but he has two tickets.


    so i say yes, how do i get the tickets. he says great, all you need to do is give me your email address and then you print them out.

    i say oh but i dont have a printer.

    he says what? they cost like $40 now. i say i know but i never print anything.

    so he calls will call and they say that they will have the tickets under sam’s name.

    so then i called my true love to see if she wanted to go, and there was no answer.

    no answer? oh thats right, she probably spent the night at that nogoodnick’s house.

    so i left a message along the lines of

    had laker tickets for us today but youre too busy with boring people. caio, bella.

    then called the cuban girl, but she was too busy with another as well.

    i guess when people think of getting a phone call from me, its not pre-noon on sundays since im probably reading my bible.

    so i called clipper gir’s cousin but she was at the farmers market in pasedena for some reason.

    so i called my man welch and his beautiful wife emmanuelle told me that he was on his way to the angel game, so i asked her if either he or she was writing Defamer and she said no and showed me why and i was all oh well, see you at tsar on wednesday.

    so then i called my wife moxie and she said she just wanted to soak in the rays on this beautiful game, and she reminded me that we never got karisa a proper birthday gift that perhaps i should ask her.

    so i called karisas house and got no answer, and i never do this but then i called her cell phone. i never do it because karisa is xbi and she does some hairy undercover work that even i dont know about. and you never know what she is up to so i never call her xbi cell but i had to, and she told me she was just getting back from the gym, whats up?

    i told her and she said hmmmm. i asked her if she had other plans and she said, yes but not as good as that.

    and now shes coming over and id take pictures for you but my cameras in the shop and the new camera fund is hovering around $300 with $666 to go.

    now finally the cuban girl calls but its too late. shes got big plans today though, so she says its all good but that we must have dinner tonight and i say cool.

    and heres what the lakers need to do to beat the spurs today.

    kobe needs to shoot the damn ball.

    shaq needs to concentrate at the line.

    gary payton needs to remember that hes the glove and no french mother fucker named tony parker can score no fucking thirty points on four mvps any more.

    and some malone elbows need to be thrown, some blood needs to flow, and some feelings need to get hurt.

    this is the playoffs baby


    or retire.

    hairwax + zulieka has an interesting proposition + aaron clemens