dear the pope,

even though i despise anonymous comments, there was a good one the other day. the question posed was why should the pope be concerned with the legalization of marijuana.

and the answers are suprisingly simple.

the first being, biblically the good book is pro-marijuana stating clearly that ALL the green seed-bearing plants are here for our use:

Genesis 1-29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

every. bitch. every. also see Genesis 9:3.

and of course he meant the happy weed that does make some a little sleepy at times, but so does turkey so chill.

so of course the pope should be upset that the world has gotten all freaked out on one of God’s most natural creations. especially the green herb that chills people out, mellows them, makes them laugh, and helps prevent a lot of the violence that riddles this beautiful blue globe.

the second reason the pope should be concerned about weed being illegal is that if it is true that 60% of americans in jail are in prison for “drug”-related crimes, and if it is true that most of them are minorities, then it is probably also feasable to assume that most of those minorites are probably african-american and/or mexican-america and/or latino. and therefore a very high probability that they are Catholics.

therefore the pope should be concerned that there are tens of thousands of Catholics in american prisons over something that shouldnt have been illegal in the first place! and theyre in prisons being exposed to far more deadlier sins than smoking the wacky tobbacy.

plus many of them are in those jails being converted to other religions.

like the muslim faith.

the third reason the pope should call bullshit on the war on drugs is because of the enviornment. everyone knows that hemp, the non-smokey part of the marijuana plant, can produce six times the amount of paper than trees do. and they regenerate faster than trees. and you dont have to use as much land as you do for trees.

the fourth reason the pope should focus his last breaths on legalizing weed is because of the economic windfall that it would create once america quits acting like lazyass stoners. if america legalized it, they could tax it. once other countries followed suit, america could export it. all of this means jobs. a strong dollar and a economically strong america means a more prosperous and less-violent world.

think about it, during a recession, like now, what are the best american exports? bombs and guns and cigarrettes. all wars are are infomercials for other countries to see how fucking gnarly our exports are.

wouldnt it be better if we were shipping off cargoships full of greenbud from oregon, northern california, and hawaii? america is far better suited to grow the sticky green than any other country in the world. and with our riches, we will actually donate to charities more.

especially if the pope reminds us who helped make it legal.

so do the right thing, the pope, and read your bible and let america know that the Lord doesn’t like it when you tell Him that His creation should be illegal because theres something wrong with being happy, and He doesnt like it when you tell Him that His children couldnt handle smoking something that hasnt ever killed anyone.

and not only watch the world become a better place, but watch your churches fill up.

in search of utopia + seabrook + melting dolls

anna came over yesterday right before the laker game.

she was all, “i know you hate miniskirts, but it was what i had on, ive been busy today.”

russian girls normally get it wrong and when they do they do it with their arms crossed.

i never said i didnt like skirts, i told her.

“yes you did, i had a jean skirt on once and you said…”

no, i said that jean skirts remind me of my days at the trailer park. i said and pulled out the guacamole.

she said, arent you going to tivo the game.

i said, only as a backup. but im going to be watching the game and if you want to fight youre only going to get some of my attention, not all of it.

she didnt want to fight. it sorta seemed like she wanted to cry. things with her boybander werent as wonderful as the tabloids would have you believe, and as i suspected, all the rolling around on each other at the beach in front of the paparazzi was somewhat intended to make me jealous, something im incapable of being, and it frustrated her to no end.

he wants to marry me, tony.

so marry him.

i refuse to fight over a girl with a pretty boy. it’s pointless. it’s like fighting over a bone with a dog. if anyone passed by they’d say, yo, pierce, whattya doing with that bone in your mouth. give it to the damn dog, freak!

i paused the tivo and we went over to rafellos for some pasta. the girl needed to eat something. she was obviously emotional and hungry.

we brought the food home and watched the first quarter. by the second quarter we were naked and her eyes were rolled back into her head. i didnt know what i was doing wrong.

apparently i wasnt doing anything wrong.

still, its hard to tell sometimes.

apparently she came the entire time we were at it, which was most of the second quarter. im not tooting my own horn. i think the success had to do with several factors. the first being that i do her far better than her tabloid love. and secondly, i had made a really sweet guns n roses mixed cd.

it starts off mellow with “yesterdays” stays mellow with “patience”. by this time the chick isnt even paying attention when the slightly sexist “i used to love her (but i had to kill her” comes on, and then it seques into the epic “don’t cry” and “november rain” one-two punch. which of course explodes into brownstone/welcome to the jungle/brownstone/you could be mine.

all i know is the refs swallowed their whistles after halftime and anna left my house with a smile on her face and a better grasp of reality which probably no longer includes mr. inglacias or however you spell that punk’s last name.

and when she left that little skirt swung perfectly and i wondered why, if you think a guy doesnt like skirts you would show up at his place wearing a cute little one in hopes to woo him?

i tried to find the answer in the geto boys’ “mind of a lunatic” but only threw my back out, temporarilly, while breakdancing to it.

pokeybitey + raptorblog + whats your damage