im realizing that im a bad loser.

mom to be the refs the refs. the fouls. the lack of fouls.

i know in my heart i should be respectful of ben wallaces uncanny knack for the loose ball. going up against a man twice his size and three times his weight.

i know i should feel good for larry brown who had to suffer the ignomy of the handful that ai must have been in philly.

but still i think to myself what would have this series been like if it was the pistons who had to walk on eggshells every time they went up to block a shot or drive the lane.

and i know that kobe proved how much different he is than michael jordan. jordan would have averaged 40 points and figured out a way to make a star out of someone else in the meantime.

but all kobe could do was force everything. all he could do was fumble and brick and remain frustrated by the seamingly perfect motown defence.

i want to give detroit their props but i cant.

those werent the four mvps that i was sold at the begining of this season.

where was the mailman?

where was the pick n roll?

what happened to dumping it into shaq?

and gp from oaktown, seemingly so perfect for this hollywood dreamteam, but never was he right for this team

the glove did not fit.

and since the glove didnt fit, it looks like everyones gonna quit.

phil hinted to it during the postgame, saying that his kids wanna hear him retire.

shaq hinted to it saying that he might leave even though he still has a year left on his contract.

only guy saying he wanted to stay was kobe who needs shaq so badly but simply cant take over a game the way mj did because for shaq to dominate like he can kobe has to give up the rock.

jordan never had that connundrum.

and poor shaq, he cant take over the play in the paint until someone passes the ball to him. no man is an island, but it must have felt that way for the big aristotle down on the low post, so close, yet without the ball, so far.

and i should be happy for the hapless city of detroit.

home of michael moore, kid rock, and eminem.

who for some reason dont want to ever leave.

and out of pity i do feel happy for the city of detroit.

because im a bad loser.

and if i was dr jerry buss i would sign ‘n’ trade kobe to orlando for tmac and grant hill because i bet you mcgrady could learn to feed the big fella.

and id try to figure out how to get antwan jamison from the mavs

because theres no rebuilding in lakerland.

thats what the clippers are for.

billy fro + kool keith + off wing opinion

rows of blue prada bags

blue wave

perfectly lined like little tin soldiers on the sidewalk. gucci clutches. bcgb wallets. this dude had everything and i was supposed to be the bad cop but i was feeling so damn good after my physical therapy that all i could muster was, wheres the good stuff?

the doctor earlier said i didnt have carpal tunnel. that i didnt have rsi. i just had a mild case of tendinitis and that everything i was doing was helping it.

i said will i ever play the piano again?

he said does the world need another piano player?

i said will i ever blog again?

he said, looks to me that you havent stopped blogging a bit.

and i blushed and i told him my little secret, which is the interns have been helping me out a bit.

and he said for me to let the interns do their thing for another week and during that week find another line of work where i wouldnt stress my hands so much.

and i said i fly chopper one.

and he said, i know you dont want to hear this tony, but youre not the only bad motherfucker who can fly that stupid helicopter.

and i said, yes but im the best.

and he said, i know that you dont want to hear this tony…

and i said, shut up

and he said, im serious

i said, nobody can fly that bird like i can

and he said, a long time ago i realized that even michael jordan’s ass is capable of being kicked from time to time.

and i said, ah ha, but it hasnt. noone has kicked mjs ass yet.

and he said, i know that you dont want to hear this tony, but youre no michael jordan.

at anything.

and i wanted to say something like, thats not what your wife said.

but it was exactly what his wife says

evolvers + the floss angeles lakers + clever hack

last year on this date the new york yankees picked up aaron boone

j lo diddy a hot chick at work told me she liked it when i posted deals from years ago. so here you are: 6/15/03

in order to mourn this day which basart reminds us is the anniversary of the day that Tribune Corp. bought the Cubs from the Wrigley family for a paltry $20.5 million back in 1981 (back when $20.5 million was a lot of money), this will be my last post of the day.

but not before we get this in:

fuck you, Tribune Corp.

from your whiny announcers, to weak infielders, to your general ignorance of all things baseball i raise my middle fingers to your ivory towers and i wish monkeypox onto your most private of areas.

you took a national landmark, a local treasure, a sports jewel and you have wiped your dirty ass with it.

yes the cubs are good right now due to some timely hitting and a handful of young pitchers – pitchers that cost you a million or two, tops.

yes you got us the best manager in baseball after the frisco giants showed him to the door. leftovers. good leftovers, but leftovers none the less. still, thank you. you coulda fucked that up. but you didn’t. a gift landed in your lap and you didn’t squash it. nice work.

but you have done very little else for the cubs in the 23 years that you have slumlorded over my favorite team and for that i curse you and the things you hold dear.

i would say more rude things but my mommys on vacation this week and i understand that she might be reading this post especially since she too loves the cubs and wrigley field.

die you motherfuckers, die.

if you want a baseball team to have as a playtoy, go buy the sox. give the Cubs back to the people. the people deserve better.

how can you let a big fat windbag like George Steinbrenner just cherry pick the planet for the latest stars while you sit around counting your gazillions as the Cubs flounder and the little northside kids weep?

why would you want to do that?

alex gonzales and his clutch home runs helped the Cubs start off the season with some great late-inning wins. but in the last month he is barely hitting .214.

want to do something for the city of chicago? trade him for Miguel Tejada. right now. those dumbass A’s will go for it, and guess what, the Yankees have an all-star shortstop And an all-star second baseman, so this will get you half way there. dumbasses.

god i hate you.

while youre at it trade Mark Bellhorn, Kyle Farnsworth, and Juan Cruz for Frank Catalanotto and Kelvim Escobar. the blue jays don’t know what on earth they’re doing and they’ll be shocked that the cubs are giving up two fresh arms for one.

but this is our chance. this is our season. its now or never. especially the way you seem intent on burning out the arms of mark prior and kerry wood.

do this and i wont hate you.

as much.

makeoutcity voted for miss montreal + sutter + gekkeanna + sk smith

sean lennon and elizabeth jagger got to see farenheight 9/11

last night and you know what i did? i got home, i fixed myself a nice little drink, my dog fetched me my slippers and pipe, and when the delivery boy from the local italian place brought over my pasta with white sauce i tipped him enormously and turned on my tivo.

and guess what was on my tivo.

mr roger clemens pitching against mr mark prior. cubs + astros.

im a nerd. pretty big nerd. idiots misunderstand me and theres not much i can do about that. if i had kids id advise them to ignore the idiots whenever possible. but kids dont listen so fuck them too.

the idiots dont understand my nerdiness and if they did maybe theyd see my true self. some would think that i need a half dozen barely legal college girls to be happy, full email boxes of praise, and fat lines of cocaine on the bare bottoms of vacationing nba cheerleaders to feel right. but its so not true.

a little bacardi, a crispy slice of garlic bread, and thou.

thou being my cubbies of course.

i fucked up last year in october when the cubs were making their run for the world series and im still paying for it at the xbi but whatever. if thats all theyve got on me then im better than they give me credit for.

all i know is before id finished my first tumbler of rum n coke the cubbies were up by four at minute maide park, formerly enron field. and this is against the rocket, who at 41 years old had started this campaign 9-0. and again i state to the court that age is bullshit.

mark prior was shutting the astros out and it had nothing to do with the fact that he is 23. it had to do with the fact that he was getting healthy again. and his fastball moved and his curve was breaking, and his spots were perfect and his control was pinpoint and because some things were meant to be, like pb and j like shaq and kobe, like you n me.

prior was on fire and so was the scrappy todd walker who nobody wanted. who nobody picked to bat over 300 for the northsiders, but there he was in the top of the ninth a double away from the cycle and he pulled it left handed down the right field line and it was hooking hooking foul. damn. i guess he will hover at .280, but whats this, on the next pitch he sent it sailing over the right field wall for his second homer of the game. todd walker, lead off man.

and so the cubs have won their third game in a row.

and handed the rocket his first loss, a little forshadowing of what will happen in rocktober.

and my phone rang but i didnt answer it. and the computer hummed but i ignored it. and then the door knocked and it wasnt really a knock it was a tap so i went to it and saw it was clipper girls cousin and she said hi and i said hi and she asked if there was anything she could do for me on account of my hands and i said you could hold my hand.

so she did.

we watched a little tv and she asked if she could type for me and i said, its cool i can type and she said no no let me. so we went over to the computer and she sat on my lap and she wrote the little thing about linda and it was real sweet. and she made us some malts with the ice cream in my fridge and when i passed out in my lay-z-boy she closed the french doors, turned down the nirvana live dvd, kissed my forehead and excused herself to the guest room.

and in the morning i saw a lipstick kiss on my head and i figured it all out.

with a little help from the ceiling cam.

and tonight the lakers will remind the pistons who’s zooming whom.

the deputy + vortexia + katie