1. Wednesday, July 7, 2004

    big brother 5 

    cbs

    tuesdays@9pm, thursdays@8pm, sundays@9pm

    now in its fifth season the good people at cbs decided that they needed a little change.

    instead of dumping the frigid, unfunny, scarecrow of a host, julie chen, big brother has chosen instead to do away with pretty much any minorities and filling the house with frat boys.

    yes there is one black dude.

    one.

    sort of a sam jackson wanna be who will be voted off within the first few weeks, no doubt.

    but, other than the host, he’s your token non-white.

    theres a california bleach blonde airhead named holly from hollywood, who last night even got questions about herself wrong.

    theres a gay guy who thinks that nobody knows hes gay.

    but the best part about this season is that somehow they were able to get two people on the cast who didnt know they were related.

    the soft spoken, very kind cowboy from oklahoma, michael, appears totally out of place until we’re told that his long lost sister, the purple haired jennifer, who likes to go by “Nicomis”, apparently because not enough people think that her tattoos make her freaky enough, is standing right next to him.

    neither know of the other until the new housemates go around a circle telling each other their last names… for some reason.

    Nicomis says that her last name is Deadman.

    Michael, who is at times a bit slow, raises his eyebrows and asks her where she’s from. He knows that his estranged father’s last name is Deadman.

    When she says that she’s from Texas, you can practically hear the gears in his head begin squeaking into motion.

    its fascinating television.

    later he went into the house to look at the portraits of all of the houseguests on the wall and could easilly see the similiarities in their faces.

    but that wasnt enough. michael casually asks nicomis more questions about her father.

    was he in the army?

    why yes, she says, he was in vietnam and he stepped on a landmine and half of his foot got blown off.

    michael knows that his father had the exact same thing happen, and soon says that he knows that his half sister is in the hizzy.

    87. Howard Owens

    88. Matthew M.

    89. Mad Mathias

    the interesting part comes when he realizes that because he has aligned himself with the frat boys who are cleverly calling themselves “the knights of the round table”, and because he knows that they will most likely vote nicomis out early, he admits to the camera that it might not be in his best interest to tell his new friends about the discovery that she is his sister.

    the boy’s slow but not dumb.

    what would be dumb is if he looks at the other four chisled, tall, abecrombie pretty boys and thinks that he is truly part of their clique.

    big brother 5, with this interesting subplot has manufactured something new in reality tv with this little twist, but sadly the geeks are outgunned and both brother and sister will fall early along with the other brother, and by august count on a melrose place on cbs.

    tina + tiffany + the coyote’s bark