1. Thursday, July 15, 2004

    dear kobe, 

    i hope you realize that the only way that people will not hate you is if you win it all this year.

     

    hopefully against the heat.

     

    your twenty-five years old. you have three rings, but now you have lost the greatest coach of all time, you’ve lost the second greatest center of all time, and the greatest nba announcer of all time.

     

    two and a half years ago  you lost the greatest general manager of all time.

     

    since then you’ve gone to the finals and lost twice. this last time, embarrassingly.

     

    your in the middle of a rape trial.

     

    against a white girl.

     

    a young white girl.

     

    los angeles, i hope you realize, doesn’t care about your rape trial.

     

    los angeles is interested in you winning the nba title.

     

    immediately.

     

    you have a few nice things working in your favor:

     

    • your young black talented and rich
    • you have one of the greatest players of all time in magic to give you advice
    • you get to play with one of the best point guards ever who no longer has to try to run the triangle, which was a bad offense for him
    • you have a great new coach to play for whose number one concern all year will be how to get you the ball.
    • you probably didn’t rape that white girl.
    • and if you pull this off, without shaq, people will have a good reason to compare you to mj.

    somehow i don’t think you will be able to do it.

    somehow i think your an orange county punk who probably should have gone to college

    somehow i think your breaking up a dynasty that you could have been part of for a long long time but instead you acted like a diva bitch and ran off the two best things anyone could ask for: a great coach and a great center.

    somehow i think i will start paying more attention to the clippers next year

    somehow i think that when people utter the old phrase “be careful what you wish for”, they will think of you number eight

    and they will look down

    and shake their head.

    eric case + everything is wrong + new yorkish