karisa’s best friend kerrie

is in town from massachussettes so the first thing i heard when they called me on my private line in chopper one were beer bottles clinking.

then i heard water splashing.

then i heard two girls giggling.

“tony pieeeeeeeeeeeeerce!” they cried out to me. and then laughing. and then some inside jokes.

then “this is motherfuckin kerrrrrie metro [inaudible] representing!”

somewhere between the laughing and splashing i found myself invited to the dodger game.

of course i accepted and i told the team that i would be ending my rounds a little early and at 5pm there the girls were picking me up across the street from the hollywood xbi station and damn did those girls get red.

“is that from drinking or sunning?” i asked.

kerrie was indeed drunk. karisa was just buzzed. but still, i took over the driving. kerrie kept wanted me to feel her leg through her jeans.

i was all, why?

she was all, cuz i want you to feel my sunburn.

still perplexed, i put my hand on her thigh, merely felt blue jean. and they were all, “wicked bad huh?”


karisas boyfriend arrived at the pad right after we had made another beer run. we packed up the cooler and made it to dodger statidum just in time for the 4th inning.

the game was starting early on account of the fireworks spectacular that was planned for after the ballgame.

it was gorgeous out there, and a full house. dodgers giants. jason schmidt vs jose lima. first place versus nearly first place.

we finished off the twelvepack in the parking lot and hiked up to the nosebleeds in the red section but first stopped off at the dodger dog stand.

two dodger dogs, an order of nachos, and a beer please.

twenty dollars even, please.

fuck george bush i whispered.

what does he have to do with this? the refreshment dude whispered.

im not sure, i whispered back.

seventh inning stretch came before i was done with my first dog. we saw bonds hit a homer. we saw shawn green hit a homer.

then we saw eric gagne, the greatest relief pitcher ive ever seen strike out the side to win the game.

and then we saw a firework display so good that this guy behind me said to his girl, good thing we ate those shrooms, huh.

and thats how i spent my thursday night in los angeles.

tonight the ladies invited me to the taping of the jimmy kimmel show.

with special guest adam corrolla.

how to whine + my saucy wife moxie + your little personality