1. Friday, August 13, 2004

    chadley from chokey chicken writes: 

    my dearest tony –

    again i come to you, late at night here in richmond virginia, with questions.

    a) where do you download the howard stern show daily to put on your

    ipod? I think my ipod needs a little daily stern.

    b) how do you get your messages on your computer to post? I get some

    interesting ones i’d like to put on mine as well

    c) when the world gives you nothing to write about, what the hell do

    you do? i’m in a writing slump, and i’m not quite sure how to get

    out. help.

    bottoms up,

    –chokey–

    Dear Chad,

    a) I cannot reveal my sources regarding the Howard Stern mp3s which are priceless to me. I adore Howard and i cannot fuck up that hook-up. Let’s just say that one of the benefits of writing this blog is that people send me gifts that they know i will like.

    Some of the gifts are material, some are sensual. Some are just sweet little comments in my blog and emails in my in box. Someone sent me a Harry Crews novel last week anonymously. Thank you whoever you are.

    If you would like to send me stuff feel free to address them to 4845 Fountain #15, Hollywood, CA 90029.

    b) i believe you are referring to my answering machine messages? i hope so because now i will tell you my secret to getting my answering machine messages onto my blog.

    Blogger in all of its wisdom has incorporated Audblog into its free Blogger service.

    I have a digital answering machine in my landline phone. that phone also has a speakerphone option which is great when i forget that i’ve put the phone in the fridgerator next to the milk.

    what i do is i call Audblog using my cell phone. when the time is ready i hit Play on my answering machine and hold my cell phone up to the speaker of the answering machine and let it run.

    for the exception of the phone numbers that people leave, what you hear is what is on my answering machine.

    i do this for two reasons. 1) i like to save things and this is a great way to do it without filling up my answering machine 2)it gives the world the false impression that girls from everywhere call me and want to hang out with me.

    c) The world is Constantly giving you things to write about. open your eyes, boy.

    it’s my belief that people get writers block not when they cant find anything to write about but because they Censor themselves from writing about what is forefront in their minds.

    quit censoring yourself. if you want to write about some girl you wanna bang, write about that. despite what your girlfriend might say. (it might not be a good idea to put it on your blog, but write about it in a journal or on a different blog.)

    if you want to write about sports, or movies, or about how you feel about going to your first year of college, write about it.

    talk about your town, your friends, your dreams.

    forget about what people might think about you, or say in rebuttal, or what EVER. write.

    infact write precisely about the things that freak you out the most to say.

    snoop dogg writes about pimping and smoking and drinking and gangbanging which are true for him and not only has he pulled it off, but he is one of the most beloved people in the world because he’s not bullshitting or holding back.

    learn from snoop, young jedi.

    the blogosphere and the media is full of people who lovelovelove to attack people who bring to light the fact that this president is a phony a fraud and a moron. i dont like to be attacked any more than the next guy. i might be a cub fan but im no sadist. but i write about bush because it is real for me and id be a fucking pussy sellout riddled with writers block if really wanted to say fuck bush and i didnt.

    learn from the busblog, close yr eyes and floor it.

    once you write whats in your heart and it gets out there, then theres room for the next thing, and then the next thing. but you Must get that first thing out there.

    its more like pooping than you think.

    my critics will agree.

    go now in peace good man

    and tell us your deepest darkest feelings.

    your pal,

    tony

    chokey chicken + virginia + mist