1. Monday, September 13, 2004

    how to vote 

    by tony pierce

    forget about what your parents want you to do. forget about what your stupid fucking friends want you to do. forget about everything other than what you want to do.

    vote with your heart.

    you do so little with your heart, practice when you vote and do the right thing.

    dont get confused with the menutia. dont get psyched out with the bullshit. if someone says that this particular politician lies, guess what, they all fucking lie. vote for the person who best represents your ideals.

    dont vote from a place of fear. use the force luke. fear is for pussy ass bitches who dont live in the united states. forget the lying liars who tell you that if you vote one way or the other that it will ruin the country. this country is unsinkable.

    in the last 4 years we’ve gone from the biggest surplus ever to the biggest deficit ever. in the last 4 years we were terrorized, we went to war, and we sorta lost. in the last 4 years the gas prices have skyrocketed, the stock market plummeted, the real estate prices have gone up, and we saw a nipple during halftime of the superbowl.

    the nation didnt sink. it barely even blinked. this country can survive pretty much anything, it can take whatever vote you have. so do it, fuck. vote.

    if you think one guy is a fucking retard, dont vote for him. no matter what.

    if you think another guy is a fucking wimp, dont vote for him. no matter what.

    pretend you’re the head coach and your team is in the fourth quarter of the superbowl. if you’re happy with the quarterback leave him in. if youre not happy with the quarterback yank his loser ass off the field.

    if youre afraid that you will have to explain your vote to your friends/coworkers/family ask yourself how long youve been such a spineless bitch.

    it’s nobody’s business who you voted for which is why they have that curtain there. and anyone who asks you what you do in private deserves to be lied to. visciously.

    if someone asks you who you voted for say nader. if they tell you that you wasted your vote tell them you voted your conscious which is never a waste.

    tell them that only the two major parties ever say that voting for a third party is a wasted vote. tell them that it’s unamerican to tell someone that their vote is a waste. every vote matters. even theirs.

    a month before the election send away for an absentee ballot. take your time going over all the propositions and people trying to get elected. dont vote for things based on what the ballot says. vote for things based on what the internet says. read mroe than one source.

    if you live in a big city, read what the commie free weekly says about an issue, then read what the megaconglomorate daily newspaper has to say about an issue. somewhere in the middle is the truth.

    dont think that if you vote for social programs that everyone will instantly go on welfare and suck from the teet of taxpayers. businesses suck on that teet way more than individuals.

    dont think that if you vote for a proposition entitled “clean air and water” that it is Only about having clean air and water, there will probably be other crazy things added to that bill that has nothing to do with air or water. find out what else is in that bill and then decide. if youre too lazy to research, vote against it.

    if you dont know who your representatives are, vote them out. theyre not representing you.

    similarily it never hurts to vote against the judges.

    and it never hurts to vote against the DA.

    give people in public office a scare.

    make them beg for their cush jobs. make them get on their knees for you. they work for us, dont ever let them forget that.

    right after the 1992 elections i sent letters to bill clinton, sen barbara boxer and sen diane feinstein. i told them congratulations on winning and that i wanted them to do two things for me.

    i told them that i wanted them to legalize marijuana and put free condoms in malls because i was sick of our tax monies being spent for the unwinable war on drugs and i was sick of the most advanced nation in the world having people die of AIDS because there weren’t condoms everywhere.

    then i told them that if they did either of those things OR sent me an autographed picture then i would vote for them every time they ran.

    one person sent me an autographed picture.

    two people completely ignored me.

    the person who sent me the picture?

    the president of the united states.

    vote for the people who pay attention to you and do as you say.

    and vote out the bastards who treat you like crap.

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