id pick her up and driver around in the wee hours of the night time.
if she didnt want to talk then we wouldnt talk. if she said lets just listen to mr kfi then id listen to mr kfi. if she said god this sucks dont you have any music, i would plug my ipod into the aux jack and give her 6,000 songs worth including full episodes of howard commersh free.
of course she would have to loan me one of her cars so i could get out to where she stay but i imagine that would be part of the deal.
if she said dont say anything about my weight i wouldnt. if she said dont say nothing about how crazy i am id say theres a long line of wackos here in this city of angels and you dont read me calling even one of them crazy. i love this town. but mostly i love the people.
if she was all, dude, we’re gonna work from 2am till 10am id be all, fine. if she said you cant blog about any of this, id be all fine. if she was all, you just want my money or my sex or a story for your book id be all, tell the demons in your head that if i wanted money id have had ads on my blog years ago, and no offense but there are a million stories in this naked city my book will be fine without tales of your ordinary madness.
if she said but what about the lovin, you must admit im one sexy bitch. id say im 110 years old it’d take three of ya to get me to even notice and even if there were three of ya i’d want one of you to cook and one of you to iron my shirt, so dont fret, i only chase college girls named tiffany.
if she said then why do you want this gig id say cuz my current gig of babysitting crazies has reached the end of the road. theres no more joy in mudville. there aint no sunshine when shes gone. yes, they have no bananas.
if she said i can only pay you in cash id say i’ll make due.
if she said i can not give away my photography secrets id say whatev its a numbers game any how, point click, click click click click click click click click click click click click theres bound to be something interesting in one of those mamajamas.
if she said but under no circumstances can you reveal anything and i do mean anything i would say xbi baby. everythings on the down low.
if she said im really a man trapped in the body of paris hilton, id say
id say, well i say.
and then id say you just cant be too mean to me.