1. Tuesday, September 14, 2004

    my home computer is broken 

    so here i am at the xbi with one more post that my girl flagrant would call a dilluted but we’ll just rack it up to more venting.

    had a nice talk with jeff whalen from tsar. my favorite rock group. he had a funny joke that i will tell you cuz he doesnt use the innernet so he wont be mad at me for revealing it.

    apparently there is much debate in the music industry about whether Tsar is rock or punk, which tells you how little the industry spends to making and hyping good music and how much time they spend catagorizing it.

    jeff is a huge dodger fan. he called firstly to tell me that Tsar is playing tomorrow night at King King in hollywood on my favorite street hollywood blvd. so we got the rock out of the way and got right into dodgertalk.

    he said what about bonds.

    i said fuck bonds i hate that mother effer.

    he said what are we gonna do about him.

    i said kidnap em!

    he said if Tsar kidnapped barry bonds we would finally find out if we were rock or punk or glam or pop.

    i was all, hows that?

    he was like, well the LA Times would likely write something like “Local rock group Tsar kidnapped San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds today requesting a $69,000 ransom…” or they would say “punk group Tsar, from hollywood, kidnapped…”

    to which i said any band that kidnapped a baseball player to benefit the home team, i would imagine, would instantly be called “punk” cuz it’s more shocking to the home viewer.

    he exhaled and said yeaaah. shit.

    at the mtv awards, i told him, there was the rock video catagory. there was hobastank who sang a little girl song, then evervessance who sang a little girl song, then there was lincoln park who sang a Rush song circa 1995 minus the killer neil pert fills, then Jet sang their catchy little forgetable stones exile on mershstreet tune and Jet, who opened for tsar on 5/17/03 won the fucking mtv rock video award.

    jeff said why are you telling me this?

    i said cuz dude, mtv basically told lincoln park that theyre as disposable as limp bizkit, they told evanescense that cute goth wannabe girls are so not rock, and they told poopastank that if incubus isnt rock then dinkubus jr is totally not rock so therefore Tsar where are you we need you so the moonman goes to Jet.

    and then we went back to figuring out how to kidnap barry.

    which of course starts at the GNC in foster city…

    i got offered a dinner date with clipper girls cousin who i havent seen in a while. she has a man now. and by man i mean MAN number two pick of an east coast nba team. sux to be me. she is always honest with me though. i was all, do you ever think about me?

    she said, every time i touch myself.

    i was all get out.

    she was all, im totally serious.

    i was all, bro is nearly seven feet tall and young and rich and

    she said size doesnt matter

    then said, oh wait yeah it does.

    and god did she laugh.

    then i said so why would dumbass tony be in your thoughts as you lie there in your houseboat?

    and she said, i think of him sometimes, when i want to think of nice thoughts

    but when i want to think dirty things i think of tony pierce.

    which is sorta a cool thing.

    until she asked me to have pizza with her and i said better not i wouldnt want you to cheat on your meal ticket.

    and she was all dont worry im on the rag.

    and i was all

    well, lets just say theres a reason that girl still thinks of me with a smile, and its not because im so fucking good looking.

    emmanuelle + kate sullivan + bicycle mark + riley dog