busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, September 22, 2004

    a long time ago 

    morrissey was signing cds in Times Square. he had just released a solo record.

    alot of his nyc fans had lined up early in the morn to get the chance to meet their hero.

    morrissey’s number one fan was not carmen elektra, let me put it that way. he/she might have been named carmen, but thats where the similarities ended.

    it was then i knew that fans are great but dont expect them all to be centerfolds in any upcoming editions.

    today i got a very nice email from a fellow who admitted his man-crush for me.

    this is not the first time that this has happened.

    yes it’s weird, but what isn’t weird these days when you really think about it. it’s weird i get any emails when it comes right down to it.

    what i do like is he lead me in the direction of a great play that i missed last week, so see, don’t diss the people who dig your shit, cuz they might clue you in to something that you’ll like.

    Hey, Tony. Avid reader of the busblog here.

    Just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I have officially decided I have a man-crush on you.

    I love your writing, you have a great flair for it.

    I am also a Cubs fan, so you and I are kindred spirts. I live in Texas, so I know how tough it is to follow them. I found peace in reading your blogs last year after the NLCS. It was the first time in my life I have ever cried over a sporting event that I hadn’t been a part of. I am comfortable admitting that.

    I am going to Wrigley for two games next week. I will send you pics if you like.

    I just wanted to tell you that I enjoy your work, and thank you for spending your breaks at xbi on us. We do appreciate it.

    Also, I am disappointed you never mentioned Kerry Wood’s behind the back double play from last week (scroll down to Sept 16). I was hoping to see some sort of mention, maybe even a photo essay.

    He went to high school right here where I live….not that it matters, but I thought you would find that interesting…

    Dave

    thanks dave,

    enjoy your trip to wrigley field, the most beautiful ball park in america, and therefore the world. please take pics and put them on your blog. and when you do write me again and i will be sure to link to it.

    thanks again,

    tony

    the computer vet + technically speaking + leah’s soft black choice was perfect

  2. big brother 

    finale

    cbs

    ive watched every season of big brother, real world, and survivor. i love them all.

    this seasons big brother was very exciting during the first month and a half when they had some very evil houseguests who were fun to hate, and several pretty good twists.

    the first twist that cbs laid on the contestants for the half million dollar prize was that two of the houseguests were actually related, unbeknownst to the each other. when it was revealed early in the game it had very little effect on the outcome since the brother (Cowboy, pictured right) and the sister (Nikomis, not pictured) were so radically different people that they didnt like each other anyway and tried to vote each other out as the game went on.

    the second twist was near brilliant. two twins had been secretly playing at the same time pretending to be one. they switched every few days. not only was it compelling television, but it showed you how clueless most people are that even in the confined space of a small house they cant tell the difference between one person and another solely because they look alike.

    when it was revealed after 5 weeks that they were indeed twins and they could both play as seperate contestants it backfired on the identical young women as they insulated themselves freaking out their friends who voted them out immediately. first one, and then the week later the other was gone.

    meanwhile prettyboy Drew (pictured, left) was wooing the ladies, befriending the men, winning Head of Household contests, and playing the game perfectly.

    at the same time, okey-dokey cowboy kept under the radar, aligning himself with all the right people at all the right times. he didnt screw up, infact the sole time that he won head of household couldnt have come at a better point in the game for him.

    when both Drew and Cowboy made it to the final two, it seemed like a simple choice to me: give it to the bucked toothed okie and his new family and let the pretty boy get his abecrombie contract.

    the vote was close: 4-3 with the cool gay guy Wil voting for drew.

    i was disapointed.

    people were saying that Cowboy didnt contribute, look at his great one-liners that no writers could have given him this year: (via rtvp)

    I am nervousing

    I will tell Nakomis she is being used as a Pond

    I like blonde brunettes

    I am about to shove that nose up your smile

    Pictures are everything.. they say over 100 words, or more

    Scott: Hey you wanna pass 20 minutes? Cowboy, say the alphabet

    Let the chips lay where they lay or fall.. however you pronounce it

    If I don’t get a TV deal out of this I at least want to be in a soap opera

    I am thinking about going to medical school if the actoring don’t work out

    I like to entertain and help people, so I will be an actor and a doctor

    If I took her to a hockey game she would go

    You don’t even spend two hours with us anymore Jase.. you didn’t play putt-putt with us tonight

    I want some “why-whist-cherry” sauce on my burger

    Big Brother: What’s your favorite western?

    Cowboy: Mickintawk.. Millinnock.. McTinlock.. awww.. Lonesome Dove

    Cowboy: What do toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

    Everyone: What?

    Cowboy: They’re both rough and tough and don’t take shit off nobody

    (silence)

    Adria: But.. doesn’t toilet paper take shit off people?

    I didn’t do so good on the.. on the bouncy

    If I dated Hillary Duff I’d be rocking the cradle

    The Discovery Channel is too slow-paced for me

    (on sex): It’s not how big the worm is.. it’s how you wiggle it

    Mexico don’t have no Olympic team!

    Karen: Good night, Cowboy.. see you tomorrow

    Cowboy: I’ll be here

    but mostly i was disappointed by CBS who gave us a lame-ass finale.

    * why didnt we they interview the houseguests to explain why they voted for who they voted for?

    * where was the family reunion between Cowboy and his long lost father?

    * why didnt they talk to some of the previous winners who were in attendence to find out what they’ve done with their half mil?

    * so many of the houseguests hate each other, and two of the chicks who didnt even make it into the jury are pretty hot: why not give them a little more face time?

    * where was diane’s twin? why didn’t they interview drew’s twin and ask him if drew’s gonna split the money with him?

    * why didnt they interview Cowboy’s wife and kid? what about Cowboy’s friends back home?

    * why do you insist on keeping that humorless scarecrow julie chen as host?

    next time instead of the one-hour finale, why not make it a two-hour next time to take care of these loose ends. when you present a show for a whole season dont just end it and leave your audience hanging. reward their loyalty and they will reward you with coming back next season.

    aaron’s baseball blog + serial blogonomy + fury

  3. home computer? 

    yes, it’s me, tony.

    but you look so different!

    i do? do you like? i got a new body.

    a new body?

    a new case.

    ah.

    do you love it?

    i love it.

    did you miss me?

    very much, personal home computer. very much!

    i heard you nearly cried yesterday when you found out i wasnt ready.

    true.

    thats sweet.

    sick is more accurate.

    we’ll i missed you tony. i thought i was dead meat when my power supply blew.

    i dont even want to think about it.

    promise that you’ll burn all this good shit on these hard drives.

    i promise.

    promise that you’ll start busting with some new photo essays now that you can download your pictures and use your dreamweaver.

    i promise, computer.

    promise that you’ll post more of your answering machine messages. everyone loves those.

    k, promised.

    do you know what it feels like to be unplugged? sitting there cold in a strange place? dogs and babies licking you? do you know how weird it is not to be in your little closet listening to all that great music, listening to the television, listening to the girls who come over?

    no girls come over.

    oh thats right, we’re lying in this blog? fine then, no girls come over.

    hey man, it was just as hard for me. do you know how hard it is to have your mind zipping around with ideas after a hard day from mindnumbing “work” but all you can do is sit on the couch like a tool and flip through the mindnumbing programming that passes for entertainment on the television?

    dude, i was unplugged.

    true.

    it’s worse, admit it.

    i just did.

    say it.

    it was worse! whatever computer!

    have you seen my lights?

    lights?

    yeah, blow out the candles.

    whoa!

    i know.

    thats too much.

    totally.

    shit.

    promise that you’ll start writing about the cubs again.

    they won today.

    did they?

    yes, in extra innings. latroy hawkins blew the lead in the bottom of the ninth. but they rallied in the bottom of the tenth.

    how did sammy look?

    not so fresh.

    im worried about him.

    you should, bro is hurtin, he’s only batting .258

    do you think its cuz hes not on the juice this year?

    gotta be. plus he broke his bat in the ninth. it splintered into three parts and i nearly had a heart attack.

    latroy hawkins, now thats a great name.

    it is.

    i like that name. it’s ghetto.

    ghetto’s good?

    ghetto’s real good.

    well, welcome back computer.

    it’s good to be back, tony.

    i promise to take better care of your motors and fans this time.

    thank you! shit.

    danielle got a parking ticket + michael moore says relax + what are you voting for is good

  4. Tuesday, September 21, 2004

    so bored last night 

    nothing at all going on and then i remembered that i hadnt called my mom yet for her birthday. when i got her on all we did was talk about politics. it was pretty funny.

    she asked me to start writing about kerry more on here because she is afraid that bush will win again. i was all mom, i only get 1,000 hits a day. she was all, thats 7,000 a week.

    she said is the old lady who lives across the street registered to vote?

    i was like Mom! shes 91 years old, shes not gonna go to any polling booths. and she said Vote by Mail!

    and you know thats what we have to start thinking about. think about your neighbors, think about your block. who on your block might not vote if not for you? that retard kid at the mail boxes etc… is he 18? register his ass. the old man who walks his crazy three legged dog. ask him if he’s registered. all the people you work with. apu at the quickie mart.

    if you can register two people who wouldnt vote if it werent for you then maybe one of them will vote.

    thats called making a difference busbloggers. in boy scouts you would have gotten a Civil Service badge. but since this is the real world, it will get you a real president instead of this dillweed we got now.

    so heres my john kerry story for the day.

    as you know im a big fan of the Regis and Kelly Lee show. well this morning old regis had a great show, sen kerry and tiger woods. not bad. two guys who oughtta be doing a lot better than theyre doing.

    so kerry is being asked about this and that and regis says so what about these debates. and it might have been a set up, like kerry might have said, hey ask me about the debates when i get out there

    cuz when reege goes how about these debates

    kerry goes, yeah we have three lined up but the president wants to have a few lifelines for the hard questions.

    nearly choked on my apple juice it was so funny.

    just another blog + listen missy + welch points us to an upcoming piece in the air force times about bush’s stint

  5. family bonds 

    hbo

    sundays 10pm

    i have a new favorite show. thank you hbo. it’s called family bonds. it’s about a family where the papa is a bail bondsman.

    part Cops part Sopranos, HBO takes us into the home and into the van of some of the toughest s.o.b.s youd never want to meet.

    the dad is so abrasive that as he is teaching his nine year old son how to ride a bike he calls him names and makes the little fella cry. sad and touching as it is, i found myself chuckling as the sobbing kid ran to his mothers arms.

    the tough love doesnt end there. when calling an ex-con who forgot to pay the bail that is owed, our hero, tom evangelista, tells the con’s girlfriend, “did your boyfriend like Riker’s Island? Cuz if he doesnt pay up, he’s going back!”

    theres a scene where the wives of the bondsmen discuss their sex life. theres the hot daughter who works at the office and consoles a coworker that she wont get yelled at for not having the right paperwork ready.

    it’s the prefect family doing dangerous work and not giving an f what anyone else things about anything.

    i love it and im sure you will love it too.

    unless youre a nine year old with sensitive feelings.

    or an ex con on the run.

    my only question is, how does Showtime feel to have its ass kicked routinely by HBO at everything?

    UCSB alert: former Associated Students Program Board member Pax Wasserman is co-producer of this fine series.

    the santa barbara mafia marches on…

    danielle + katie + ron

  6. I know a lot of people. 

    Way more than I can keep track of.

    One of my friends is a correctional officer in a state prison. Another friend has a brother who is about to go to the clink.

    I asked the one friend if she had any tips for the other as to how not to get raped in jail.

    Below is what she wrote in her blog today.

    How To Avoid Getting Raped in Jail

    Name was changed for safety and anonyminity)

    Mike was selling drugs and in the end somebody died from the drugs Mike sold. Mike was charged with manslaughter. Mike pled down his charges to possession. Mike might have some history being in-and-out of jail. Mike is going to spend 10 months in prison for this crime. Mike is a white boy, not sure of age. Standard American boy looks, in decent shape and is able to handle his own(based on information given).

    Mike will be entering a whole new world from what he is used to. He will go into a new home for 10 months (which can feel like forever in prison). He will most likely be the one of the minorities.

    THE GAME STARTS:

    He will come in and be introduced to the system via a correctional officer (CO). This CO might be nice, might be cold, might try to intimidate you, Mike must figure out what kind of person the CO is. Mike’s best bet is to be calm and respectable no matter what kind of CO is with him. After his brief introduction he will be placed in an area called something like R & O (receiving and orientation). Now this is not as pleasant sounding as it seems. This is where you will be evaluated and get housed with other people who are there on similar charges and some way different(child sex offenders) than Mike’s.

    There might even be what is called an Old Number. Someone who is returning on a new charge but has definitely been in before. These guys are trying to intimidate you and at the same time try and make you feel a part of their group of friends. They try to use you, put blame on you, scare you (intimidate you) or are legit and just making new friends with you. It is has now become a tough game of trying to figure out who-is-who and what they really want. Mike’s best bet in the beginning is to be calm and respectable and say as little as possible about himself.

    THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM:

    Mike will live here temporarily and play the game. He will have to be there to know what I mean. It is very touch and go, over whom you spend your free time with, what you will give up (whether it be rec time, rec activities, food or clothes)and this can go wither way-from him to someone else or from someone else demanding it from him, Mike might even get away with doing nothing at all. Mike will go about his daily activities. Wake-up, chow, rec, maybe work (if he is lucky to have a job), rack-in (go to your cell and be locked in), some form of count will always take place(sometimes more often than Mike will like), chow, more rec, more activities, maybe more work, rack-in, count, rec, rack-in, count, lights out, count, count, count, count, count, count until morning arrives and he gets to do it again.

    This can become quite frustrating for someone who is not used to doing what he told and when without a why.

    SUPPORT:

    Mike can change as a person during this time. Mike needs support. His best support would come from many, many, many letters from friends and family. Reminding him that his time will be over soon and life will go on (Lot’s of I love you’s too). Mike will also have a chance to make phone calls, hopefully the person receiving the calls can handle the huge, expensive phone bills that will acquire during 10 months time. During phone call time, friends and family should remember to let Mike lead the calls. If Mike wants to talk about how shitty it is, let Mike vent and say you are sorry and let him vent some more. Do not argue with Mike, Do not get to the point where you tell him he deserves this when you are pissed, do not leave Mike feeling he has no-one to listen. Mike can get into BIG trouble for being upset later on. If Mike has nothing to say, tell him about you daily activities without rubbing it in that he was not present. If you are a female friends assume he will count on you for companionship. It might become stronger or it might become a whole new form of love you would have never expected. Mike needs companionship. His celly can not provide it whether Mike believes they can or not. YOU, his friends and family must provide the true companionship and love and support. No one inside can, if Mike thinks they can, Mike is following right into their trap.

    for more jail-related blog enteries, go to her blog here

  7. last night i went on a job interview 

    for a company interested in having me as a blogger. it was pretty interesting. they were asking me if i thought i could do more than three posts a day.

    i was all, dude, what you see on the busblog is what i do during the two government mandated 15 minute breaks that i take during my incredibly hectic workdays.

    he was all, how hectic could it be?

    and i said, sir, i love to write. LOVE. i think about it all the time. i see pictures and i want to steal them for my blog. i see stories and i want to figure out how to write about them in fresh new ways. if i take pictures i want to make photo essays. but then work happens and some days i can only do two posts.

    that means that either i had a lunch date, or i wasnt able to take one of the 15 minute breaks and i had to write during lunch.

    i dont even have time to edit what i write. or even read it for that matter.

    he was all, so would you consider yourself obsessed?

    i was like, probably.

    he said, is it like alcoholism?

    what?

    he was getting weird on me.

    i went on it again saying, im passionate about writing. i love to write. writing is something that gets me going, it gets my brain going, as i write i discover things that are really there. i have never been an alcoholic but i imagine that when people really get drinking they discover things that are Not really there.

    my cravings to write, i said, are constructive. they’re healthy. abusing your body is a much different thing.

    he said, if you could write all day for this company, would you be able to edit yourself from swearing?

    of course.

    would you be able to use the [shift] key?

    i wanted to say duh, but i just said, yes sir.

    we run a clean site here, he said, could you refrain from using pictures of the scantilly clad women that you use on your blog?

    i said, sir, the busblog is my personal web page. it’s an extension of my personal beliefs and hobbies and loves and lusts. very little of what i do or talk about in my personal life do i expect to be able to talk about on a corporate web blog like yours. i doubt i will ever have the opportunity to write about the cubs or my friend’s band tsar or dating anna kournikova or calling the president a retard.

    he said, you called the president a retard on your blog?

    and he turned around a picture on his desk of the retard with his family at the white house and the rest of the interview was him trying to ask me questions about dan rather and me trying to will my cell phone to ring.

    looks like i will be at the xbi for a little while longer.

    bicycle mark + jack bog + zulieka

  8. Monday, September 20, 2004

    today is my mom’s 27th birthday 

    happy birthday!

    i first met my mother a long time ago. im not sure what she expected but she got me and you know she didnt predict this, but for a mild mannered southern belle from ft. valley georgia, she didnt freak out as much as you’d think.

    i was wild as a kid. the doctors called me hyper, but my grandparents called me a kid. my mom was very patient with me and quite smart. she was one of the first computer programmers ever. and definately one of the first black female computer programmers ever.

    so when the doctors called me hyper she said, but my boy can sit still and do a whole jigsaw puzzle, and the doctors said, oh, really? and then were unable to prescribe the ritalin or whatever they were going drug me with and we went on our way.

    my mom raised not only me alone, but my sister as well. who is also crazy. my mother was never bored. she worked long long hours at motorolas headquarters and sometimes i think its because she didnt want to come home. but when she did it was always with love in her heart and mcdonalds in the car and questions about homework or basketball scores or the like.

    i could never have asked for a better mom.

    her mother was a librarian at the state college. during holidays we would go down to georgia and we’d always end up at the library and i am sure that my love of books and writing is directly influenced by my razor sharp grandmother who read two newspapers before 9am and was working on one of her novels before breakfast was done.

    my mother worked on computers all day and paid for my first computer, the apple IIc. i will never forget what she did for my sister and i. i will never forget how difficult it must have been to be a working single mother in a town of few blacks.

    one day a “friend” of mine fell on the playground and lied to his father and said that his black eye was the result of me punching him. his father came to our door with his son and told my mother that he was informing us that he was going to spank his son because no son of his was going to be beaten up by a nigger.

    instead of freaking out my mom sat me down and said that she knew that i didnt beat that boy up, but that race is a difficult thing for people to deal with, that we needed to be patient cuz the world would catch up with reason soon enough.

    my mom always threw big birthday parties for us, she gave presents to all the attendees, she drove us to practices and games and rehearsals and recitals. she went to parent teach conferences, she drove us to the airport and back, she took us clothes shopping for school supplies in the fall, she did it all, and i dont remember her complaining and i dont remember overhearing her ever saying that it was too much of a burden.

    there was never anything that i wanted that i wasnt given. ever. and we were not by any means a wealthy family. i have no idea how she did it. she was always there. was there when i went through college. is there now for my sister and my neice and my brother in law. was there for our dying relatives. is there for our friends of our family. she is rock solid.

    one of the finest moments was when my mother took me to my first real rock concert. AC/DC Back in Black tour. i was but a wee lad. she had given my sister the album that christmas and here it was nine months later and somehow i got 1 ticket in the 12th row. my mom drove me to the show (about an hour away), dropped me off early, drove home, and then after i called, drove back to the arena to pick my little ass up.

    not only would most mothers not allow their kids to see devil music (hells bells opened the show and i nearly peed my toughskins), particularily Alone, but how many would make two trips to ensure a safe ride?

    when i became of age to drive she tightened the reigns in a tad because in her words, “the roads are filled with drunk drivers”, but i was still allowed to drive into Chicago to see the cubs pretty much any time i had saved up enough allowance money to pay for it.

    over the years she bought me a few saxamaphones, guitars, drums, lessons of all sorts, sports uniforms, bikes, anything.

    i cannot imagine a better childhood. i cannot think of anything i could have wanted more than the ability to be myself, and free, and loved.

    my mom did all those things for me and she continues to.

    the only thing that she asked in return was that i be a good reflection of her.

    and if it werent for the swear words in this blog im doing my best.

    i love you mom,

    happy birthday!

    dos boheinde and seymore + mouthy + greg vaine

  9. why the emmys decided to call me this morning 

    at six am, is beyond me. maybe they hadnt slept all night. maybe they were still giddy from giving away all those awards to angels in america and the daily show.

    the mainstream media might not be liberal anymore, but the academy members of the emmys sure as hell are.

    anyway they asked me if i would tell them what i liked and didnt like from the program last night and i told them that i needed a few hours of sleep and during my first 15 minute break at work that i would be sure to put down a little list.

    maybe you can add to anything that i left out.

    * first of all, a 40 second acceptance speech is stupid, and to kick in with the music as someone is pouring their heart out is tacky as hell. has no one ever told you about manners? you have the red carpet and all the gift bags and all the cameras and you think someone can get it together and really thank the people who made a difference in their lives in 40 seconds? please.

    and what are you rushing off to so quickly? so that billy crystal and garry shandling can give us some lame fake banter for three minutes? let bro from angels in america tell us a little about motherfucking AIDS, retards. i swear.

    maybe you’ll beat csi in the ratings next year if you do.

    most of these people will never get the chance to win one of these bogus awards again. many of these people actually have a few people to thank or a tale to tell or a tear to shed. let them shed their tear.

    what you need to do is start the show at 7pm. four hours isn’t so bad. youve got brad pitt and jennifer aniston sitting in the front row for pete sake, if you cant hold an audience with those kids, meryl streep, pacino, the sopranos, kelsey grammah, and all the skits, then maybe you should learn a few things about tv production. let the winners have their moment. and give them more than just a dumb little moment. this is their night, not yours.

    * for those of you who didnt see it, CBS had a contest. they picked two winners to fly to LA, they blindfolded them, put headphones over their ears, didnt tell them what they won, and walked them onto the stage of the emmys (above).

    they were stunned, shocked, and my brotha was moved to tears. it was wonderful. it was perfect. their prize was getting to read the nominees of the best reality series. great moment in tv as the two winners seemed geniunely suprised and into the whole deal. only flaw was CBS gave the prize winners more time to be excited than they gave the emmy-award winners to say thanks. re-evaluate your priorities.

    * loved the director of the emmys winning an award for directing the oscars. loved how he gave his parents from tarzana 10 seconds on tv. loved how he was so happy to have won and even directed his wife to kiss him.

    * why no musical groups?

    * E! blew it by letting Joan Rivers get away. Star Jones is no Joan Rivers. She looked horrible in her outfits, she was not funny, and i don’t think she will rip apart the fashion victims the way that Joan does in Fashion Police.

    this will be the first time that Joan wasn’t on the red carpet since the advent of color tv and it was a sad day indeed. instead their spinning wheel contraption was a disaster, no one wanted to get on the lazy susan so that the cameras could get the full view, and all it made you think was, why isnt Joan here?

    * let tony soprano speak.

    * we get it that film stars are respected actors, but it seemed to me that film actors who ended up on tv got way more nominations than real tv actors who actually worked full seasons. the exception to that would be james spader, a film star who is now a regular on a tv series, which of course got him an emmy as well.

    * john ritter should have been in your in memorium. did you forget he died or did you cut his picture for time?

    * dont get a hunk to deliver the in memorium intro. the people want to hoot at tom selleck who is looking pretty good after all these years: so let them hoot. get someone olde to deliver the in memorium. is that so difficult?

    * you need some new catagories: best action sequence, grosses crime scene discovery, biggest live mistake, best news anchors, most underrated non-network or hbo series, etc.

    * hire conan to do the next 10 emmys. not only is he truly funny, but he loves tv. its ok to have people who love tv to host the tv award show of the year.

    my lovely wife moxie + sk smith + futurballa

  10. last night i got to see an old comrade on the tv 

    our pal jason ross.

    jason was the editor in cheif of the daily nexus the year that i graduated from ucsb. which means that as he was cutting his teeth he worked along side such luminaries as welch, whalen, max, solomon, collins, hornberger, lalum, and yours truly.

    now he’s one of the best writers of fake news in america.

    last night he got his second consecutive emmy for The Daily Show.

    one of my fondest memories of jason was the night that we had our CIPA awards in sacramento. CIPA is the california intercollegiate press awards. all the big time cali colleges get together and figure out who put out the best paper that year.

    all the sections are awarded, and that spring night in the early 90s your pal tony had one of the greatest nights ever. i was awarded Best Arts & Entertainment editor, a nod that the venerable Daily Nexus had never won in its storied history.

    the best part about it was that i had to fight even to get my section in the competition as our editor-in-cheif, still sore that i had run against him 7 months previous, had excluded me from being judged. after some help from pat whalen, my section got in, and won.

    i was also falling in love with the beautiful and talented jeanine natale.

    i was also wearing a dress, which was traditional for we nexus men on awards night.

    so there i was with my plaque, my new girl, and i was confronted by a drunken, drugged, giddy, thrilled, jazzed, very tall jason ross offerring me a handful of “little white crosstops”, the legal speed pills that truckers take when they feel themselves nodding off at the wheel.

    never one to really delve into the dark underworld of amphetimines, i declined, but you should have seen the daily nexus that night in the beverly garland in sacramento thanks to jason ross and his bottomless bag of speed.

    my boys were singing and dancing and whooo-ing and making all kinds of noise and mayhem all through the night.

    a song was even written right there on the spot by either Os or Charlie or even Jason himself proclaiming the benefits of the little white crosstops.

    jason went on to become the campus news editor and a year later the editor in cheif of the paper.

    last year he invited me to a pre pre emmy party since he was in town but i was in the arms of an nba cheerleader who asked not to be involved in the retelling of Another daily nexus story, nor did she wish to learn about the inner workings of the modern day Spy/National Lampoon stylings of The Daily Show, a program that deserves all the awards that are heaped their way.

    so last night when Jon Stewart turned to thank his writers and asked the industry not to poach them away he pointed directly behind him to the still quite tall and red cheeked Jason Ross who had those wild eyes that i remember so well.

    congratulations big man, you’re doing the nexus fine.