and because of that i sometimes feel a bit of responsibility to point out potholes in the road of life that ive occassionally fallen into, and i would like to prevent any of them from making the same mistakes.
todays lesson is from the book of Loyalty.
a long long time ago there was a guy named Johnny Carson. he was so much the king of late night that no one even dared compete against him. yes there were clowns who came and went named arsenio and chevy but today history looks back at them as the talentless schmoes that they were then.
similarily history looks at Johnny as a guy with class, style, and a brand of dry humor that entertained america for 31 years on the Tonight Show.
Carson’s only flaw was in being paranoid that if David Letterman took over the show that everyone would forget about those 31 years.
Letterman was good, but he wasn’t going to make people forget about Johnny. But LA, i can tell you first hand, egos are everything. pettiness and fear run the entertainment biz.
and if johnny didnt want letterman to have his dream job, even from retirement johnny’s influence would be enough to prevent dave from his dream job. why? because people can suck sometimes.
only thing worse than johnny c-blocking dave is jay leno swooping in and taking the job.
and that is because dave had jay on the late show 40 times when jay was a nobody. dave and jay were friends and dave was doing everything he could to help out his buddy.
when jay saw his chance at getting the tonight show, a real man, a real friend, would have said no. a man with a conscious or an ounce of goodness in him would have said, “i cant fuck over the guy who put me on national tv 40 times.”
but jay leno is a selfish, talentless opportunist, solely interested in his own future. disloyal and disrespectful to the one man who deserves the tonight show and who earned it.
leno has had 12 long years to right this wrong in a gentlemanly manner. of course it would involve humility, creativity, respect and trust; traits that he’s never shown dave in the past, so it’s no surprise he hasnt shown them recently.
what jay should have done was step down 8-9 years ago after he had already made a name for himself. like a man. like a good man. he could have worked out a deal with dave to get a producer title and a cut of the show. he could have gotten a development deal for a different show, and hit the road doing the 150 stand up dates that he currently does and retained his status as a millionaire
but nobody would be calling him an unwatchable unfunny selfish scumbag disloyal to the man who helped him rise from mediocraty.
by announcing that he’s going to hold on to his painfully unoriginal show for 5 more years and then hand it over to conan is the final kick in daves pants, and not really all that cool to conan.
wtf has jay done all these years? what has he introduced to latenight tv that he didnt steal from dave or johnny or even howard stern? the correct answer is not a damn thing.
so why c-block conan for five years?
loyalty is the easiest thing an animal can be. even dogs do it naturally.
so the lesson, my young readers, is, if even pets are kicking your ass at something, you are way off track.