if i was the instapundit

i wouldnta said anything about the debates today either.

and i sure as shit wouldnt have said a peep about the top U.S. arms inspector’s 1,000 page report stating that not only weren’t there any wmd in iraq, but their capabilities for producing them were deteriorating, not advancing, and they hadn’t made any since 1991.

you didn’t see me write about the cubs the day that we knew it was all over this year.

i didn’t even want to think about it.

you didn’t see me write about how sammy bailed out of the last game, pissing everyone off, and probably sealing his fate of never being a cub any more.

hell, i was so emotionally depressed that the cubs who had a pitching staff of clement, wood, prior, zambrano, and maddux

and a line up of four guys who hit over 30 home runs this year, a lead off hitter who smacked 24, and a new shortstop whose last name rhymed with goingallthewayia

completely imploded like bitchesia.

so its no surprise to me that the worlds most popular political blogger wouldn’t have mentioned the fact that the vice president ruined his best zinger with the boldface lie that turned out to be a double-lie.

Now, in my capacity as Vice President I am the President of the Senate, the presiding officer. I’m up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they’re in session. The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight.

not only did glenn wake up in the morning and see at least three videos of cheney standing or sitting right next to the pretty boy from carolina.

but then it became known that the vice president was only the presiding officer of the senate not most tuesdays, not some tuesdays, but only two tuesdays over the last four years, the last being jan ’03.

and to top things off, despite how miraculously talented, seriously, as truly talented as the gop has been with spinning things, how do you spin the pathetic ignorance of the veep leading people to factcheck.com,

when factcheck.org, the intended destination the second most powerful man in the world wanted undecided voters to click to, was an even worse website for the republicans because it was a non-profit ivy league site who was far more critical towards the president than toward kerry/edwards.

hi can of worms.

how do you say, oh the vice president meant factcheck.org when the very first sentence on the non-partisan site dedicated to “holding politicians accountable” today says, “Cheney wrongly implied that FactCheck had defended his tenure as CEO of Halliburton Co., and the vice president even got our name wrong.”

you dont say it.

you say nothing.

you put pictures of giggling co-eds and volleyball playing fratboys on your blog and pretend it never happened.

you hide out at a symposium and pretend that the biggest blogger of all time would have been perceived as “discourteous” if he had blogged from the event.

it’s been established that im crazy but i’d think that most authors with new books would be ecstatic to have a guy who gets a quarter million hits a day liveblog from their symposium.

especially if i was hustling a book that was going for $35 on amazon.

but really, who wants to blog when the jig is finally up?

and who wants to go on the web when there’s nothing but bad news on there with worse news on the way thanks to the next two debates being with the lesser of the two leaders, bush, and his never-a-dull-moment slamdances with the spoken word.

not the instapundit, who has gotten 67 million page views so far this year.

he’d rather just go on a nice long walk for a little while.

maybe whittle a spell

“Strolling around campus always reminds me that there’s more to life than surfing the Internet and thinking about politics and the war,” professor reynolds typed today in his last post of the day at 8:27pm. “I should do it more often.

“If looking at these pictures makes you feel that you should get away from the computer and enjoy some fresh air and sunshine, well, maybe you should take the hint.”

oh i got the hint. by not typing “bush” “cheney” “kerry” or “edwards” today in any of his nine posts, i got the hint.

i got the hint that he didn’t want to talk about chunks of iraq bad news like this:

Weapons hunter Charles Duelfer had access to information from U.S. interrogations of Saddam over several months. The former Iraqi dictator apparently talked not because he wanted to help the United States, but because he was concerned with his legacy, the report says.

Much of his motivation in the quest for weapons of mass destruction came from neighboring Iran and the two countries’ “long-standing rivalry over the centuries,” including the Iran-Iraq war in the 1980s.

“From Saddam’s viewpoint, the Persian menace loomed large and was a challenge to his place in history,” the report says.

“This was an important motivation in his views on WMD _ especially as it became obvious that Iran was pursuing the very capabilities he was denied,” said the report, which found no evidence that Iraq had produced any such weapons after 1991.

i got the hint that he didn’t want to talk about chunks of last nights debate:

IFILL: Senator Edwards, it’s your turn to use 30 seconds for a complicated response…

EDWARDS: That was a complete distortion of my record. I know that won’t come as a shock.

The vice president, I’m surprised to hear him talk about records. When he was one of 435 members of the United States House, he was one of 10 to vote against Head Start, one of four to vote against banning plastic weapons that can pass through metal detectors.

He voted against the Department of Education. He voted against funding for Meals on Wheels for seniors. He voted against a holiday for Martin Luther King. He voted against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela in South Africa.

It’s amazing to hear him criticize either my record or John Kerry’s.

IFILL: Thirty seconds.

CHENEY: Oh, I think his record speaks for itself. And frankly, it’s not very distinguished.

and i got the hint that he didn’t want to talk about this:

LANSING, Mich. – Michael Moore shot back at Republicans on Wednesday after they requested that the filmmaker be prosecuted for offering underwear and food to college students in exchange for their promise to vote.

“It’s ironic that Republicans have no problem with allowing assault weapons out on our streets, yet they don’t want to put clean underwear in the hands of our slacker youth,” Moore said. “The Republicans seem more interested in locking me up for trying to encourage people to participate in our democracy than locking up bin Laden for his attacks on our democracy.”

three ways you know that the ship is going down for the republicans four weeks before the elections.

1. when the president holds a sudden “important” speech and nobody pays attention

2. when instapundit hides out all day despite a huge news day in politics, giving us the hint that he’s throwing in the towel.

3. when the busblog links andrew sullivan.

rush didn’t have a good day either + <3 raymi <3 + bluecad + iron mouth

rodney dangerfield born jacob cohen (1921-2004)

memorable quotes

from Back to School as thornton melon

Trendy Man : Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.

Thornton Melon : You too, huh? She’s shown it to everybody.

Trendy Man : Well, she’s very proud of it.

Thornton Melon : I’m proud of mine too. I don’t go waving it around at parties, though.

Trendy Man : It’s an exceptional painting.

Thornton Melon : Oh, the painting.

[after Thornton Melon’s run-in with a showering sorority girl]

Security Guard: Perfectly understandable, Mr. Melon. It was an honest mistake. Let’s just call it a a bad day…

Thornton Melon : – but a great view! You’re all right, officer. Here, a little something for the kids.

[hands officer cash]

Security Guard: I don’t have any kids.

Thornton Melon : No kids? Well, get yourself some kids. Take it all.

[hands officer more cash]

Thornton Melon : And just remember, the best thing about kids… is making them!

Thornton Melon : What’s your favorite subject?

Bubbles: Poetry.

Thornton Melon : Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.

from Caddyshack where he played Al Czervik

Al Czervik : Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Al Czervik : Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.

Al Czervik : Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.

Al Czervik : Your a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Al Czervik : [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don’t tell ’em you’re Jewish, okay?

Al Czervik : Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

as Mallory’s dad in Natural Born Killers:

[after sending Mallory to her room]

Ed Wilson : I’ll show her a little tenderness, after I eat. When I get up there, she won’t see my face for an hour.

“I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, ‘There goes the neighborhood!'”

“When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother.”

“When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream.”

“Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'”

“When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. … and no one showed up.”

“I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, `Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. There was nobody home.”

“When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.”

“When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names — hers and her mother’s.”

“With my wife, I don’t get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet.”

“With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.”

howard stern will go to sirius radio in 2005 + bush’s “important” speech today + rodney.com + starbody

some of you may have seen a new button

to the left of my blog.

yes, the busblog has partnered up with sbc’s new RSS newsreader “Project DU”. i did it for a few reasons:

– it was easy

– they asked

– they asked me not to change a thing that i typically would write or say on here

– it’s a way to reach more people without selling out.

– they flowed the busblog a few bones

– they have zero editorial control of the busblog

– i can still say fuck.

– the world is a better place with good RSS readers, especially ones that are pre-packed with my blog :)

sbc is a huge company. i am a satisfied long-time user of their dsl service, their long distance, and their web based email.

our buddy steve on adrants wrote the following:

SBC Launches Blog-Powered Desktop RSS Newsreader

Capitalizing on the explosion of weblogs and the rapid growth of RSS, SBC has launched Project D.U. (digital universe), a desktop RSS reader populated by feeds from weblogs in six categories. Believed to be the first branded RSS reader that comes complete with pre-loaded content, Project D.U. was developed to bring unique and different voices, along with SBC’s brand of course, to a wider audience. With Yahoo’s recent embrace of RSS in its new My Yahoo, RSS is fast becoming the preferred mode of information dissemination on the Internet.

Project D.U. was conceived by Dallas-based TracyLocke Director of Digital Initiatives Todd Copelvitz. Prominent bloggers in the six categories were approached and recruited by yours truly (to whom money was paid) along with others at TracyLocke. We tried to identify blogs with strong personal voice like Tony Pierce’s Busblog and blogs with focused subject matter like David Hauslaib’s Jossip or Jessi and Tom’s Big Bad Boat Blog. Project D.U. users can add their favorite rss feeds as well.

Obviously, SBC intends to garner broad brand recognition and sell some product from this effort and there’s no shame in that. What’s unique is the project’s win-win position providing long term branding for SBC, unique and different information for consumers and increased notoriety for those bloggers participating in the project. Participating bloggers are paid a small fee in exchange for Project D.U. pulling their RSS feed and adhering to minor guidelines. TracyLocke expects about 500,000 downloads of the reader by early 2005.

so if youre interested in having your favorite blogs sent to one place for easy-to-use reading, this might be for you. give it a try and let me know what you think about it.

project d.u. + adrants + nyc metblogs

instapundit has a short list

of bloggers saying that dick won the debate last night.

shocking.

its true that compared to the president, cheney looks like a rocket scientist (which is why kerry cant wait for the next debate, or the election for that matter),

but that doesn’t mean that he won anything last night, especially when he passed during the second part of the gay amendment dialogue

spectacularly symbolizing today’s brand of conservatism liar’s poker.

im not sure, but i always thought that the purpose of debates was to explain your beliefs and how they are different than your opponent’s. Particularly concerning lil things like proposed constitutional amendments.

but you know what they say about opinions so here are a few pesky facts.

“Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I’m up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they’re in session. The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight,” the veep said while trying to dress down edwards on his senate record this evening.

The picture above says otherwise.

Infact according to the AP, the pair had met twice before the debates.

I know, I know… details details.

After Edwards criticized the bush administration and the veep for linking iraq with 9/11, cheney rebutted thusly:

“The Senator has his facts wrong. I have not suggested that theres a connection between Iraq and the 9/11…”

However on 9/14/2003 on Meet the Press dick said this when asked to define success in Iraq:

If we’re successful in Iraq, if we can stand up a good representative government in Iraq, that secures the region so that it never again becomes a threat to its neighbors or to the United States, so it’s not pursuing weapons of mass destruction, so that it’s not a safe haven for terrorists, now we will have struck a major blow right at the heart of the base, if you will, the geographic base of the terrorists who have had us under assault now for many years, but most especially on 9/11.

now i might just be one of the many daily show stoned slackers but that sure sounds like a suggestion of a connection between iraq and the 9/11 to me.

but the saddest moment was when cheney asked viewers to go to “FactCheck.com” so they could, well, fact check the young senator. factcheck.com, however, is the George Soros-funded anti-Bush site that is now being re-directed to Soros’s homepage

whose main headline currently reads

“President Bush is endangering our safety, hurting our vital interests, and undermining American values.”

way to win a debate, dick.

the brains on the ticket.

what the vice president obviously meant to lead millions of web-surfing americans in search of fact checking peoples asses to was the non-profit FactCheck.org, which at this time (4:20am PST) has a half dozen headlines on its page, which corrects bush, cheney, kerry & edwards, but mostly bush. not really a web site karl rove would want the veep to steer america.

ah the elderly trying to stay hip with their aol accounts.

keep logging on, mr. cheney. youve got mail!

see you at whitehouse.com ;)

maybe the blogfather was watching a different debate, and/or linking to people who, i dont know, drink a lot?

hopefully they were too tipsy to listen clearly when Edwards dropped the m-bomb: the fact that Cheney voted against the 1986 resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandella.

a knock-out blow,

indeed.

UPDATE: Indy has been uncharacteristicly silent this morning regarding last night’s debate. updating only his final post of last night to include links to republicans who have the nads to imply that although the vp and sen. edwards rubbed asscheeks together in the picture above at an event where cheney mentioned edwards by name that it does not mean that they actually met. it all, apparently, depends on what your definition of “met” means.

keep squirming, fellas.

jarvis live blogged + leah + last chance cafe