1. Sunday, October 10, 2004


    wednesdays on abc

    starring that dude from party of five, that dude from lord of the rings, jack osbornes long lost fatter brother, some super hot babe from kingdom hospital, that dude from alias, and the narrator from oz who was in the wheelchair

    definately my favorite new tv show, lost makes the survivor people look like crybabies.

    these people werent flown first class with the chance to win a million bones, the lost people’s plane crashed 1,000 miles from where they were supposed to be.

    theres only one doctor and a dozen supermodels and you dont hear them bitching.

    and cooperation? this wild eyed genius iraqi dude comes back from exploring with a small group of freaks, stands on a tree stump and says to the 47 others “we need three groups, each group pick a leader, this group needs to gather food, this group needs to gather water, this group needs to suck on my bone.”

    and they all do it.

    theyve been stranded for two days and the fat guy is offered fresh sushi from a japanese man in a shirt and tie and the fat guy says no thank you.

    no body seems to need any water.

    and the hottest chick ive ever seen in my life is a criminal on the run but since she has a heart of gold she saves everyone as theyre passed out and bleeding.

    the doctor is such a badass he has her sew a two foot gash on his back cuz he cant reach it.

    nobodys complaining, survivors. no one is gaying out like richard by running around naked. no one is bossing anyone around. no one is crying that their loved ones just got blowed up.

    even the pregnant woman is just sitting on an airplane seat nicely placed on a sand dune. looking out at the sunset sinking into the ocean.

    a polar bear charged the small group and the big tall handsome asshole shot him five times with the automatic pistol and nobody goes what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck and nobody else goes ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    the dude from lord of the rings seems to be snorting h because hes addicted and there arent any needles laying around this island even though it seems to have everything including a shy toothless dinosaur who enjoys playing with his food and not really eating it.

    the plane got split into three(?) but the biggest chunk is the middle which could probably house 48 comfortably but instead of removing the dead bodies which surely will begin to reek any day now, they cower beneath peices of the wing for shelter and show us all how to keep it real.

    my favorite scene was when the guy from oz was hauling ass through the jungle scared of something chasing him and he ran into a japanese woman who was bathing herself while standing up nude next to a tree.

    she didnt cover herself with her hands. she didnt flinch. she wasnt ashamed even though earlier her husband had her button her blouse up to the very top. and the brotha didnt stop looking at her. he stuttered and said sorry but he didnt move away he didnt keep running from the unseen creature who sounded like a lion and probably had never tasted black man before he just kept talking about nothing and finally told her that there was something in those scary woods.

    and it is creepy which is why i really like it.

    and its filmed beautifully and the words are just right and the casting couldnt have been better

    and because we’ve only seen a fraction of the passengers i think you could toss a special guest star in there from time to time.

    in last weeks episode the big tall handsome bully mean guy took the gun and shot at this guy who was dying to put him out of his misery and when the doctor ran in to see what the fuck was happening

    he said i shot him

    and the doctor said, you fool you hit his lung, it will take him


    to die now!

    and then he suffocated him.

    and all i know is that dinosaur better watch his ass.

    it was sean and jaime‘s birthday on friday + charlotte + simpleton