shabooty interviewed me

the other day and has the whole thing up.

below i have cherry picked some of my favorite questions/answers, feel free to read the interview in its entirety here. ps its loooong.


Q. With your success, do you expect to see more blogs follow your footsteps with cafepress?

A. in order to have a blog work in a book there needs to be stories, not just “went to work today, those bastards…” so hopefully people will start writing more narritive tales about their daily lives so they could put together a book. plus you need a lot of material. most people dont write every day, so it could take years for them to have enough good posts to do it. so hopefully it will inspire people to

post more often too.

there are a few blogs who i would love to see put together a book: raymi, flagrant, and sk smith. i would buy any of those books immediately.


Q. Will there be a How to Blog 2005? (One ever year?)

A. I put together the first blook two years ago. i had plans about making one last year but i didnt feel happy with the material. im glad i waited two years cuz i think that How To Blog only has good posts. I wouldnt want a book with clinkers.

I do hope to put out a book of my political posts in 2005 but it might not happen cuz i dont even want to think about politics for a while let alone have to go through all that old crap any time soon.

I also hope to put together a small book of my old poems. This Christmas is the 10th anniversary of my favorite book of poems, Ilka, so maybe i will do something nice to celebrate that this spring. but dont hold your breath.

i also am interested in making a book of emails. also a book from my secret blog. and also a book of pure sex stories.

but im really lazy and hyper critical so if we get another collection

of blog posts by 2006 then i would consider that an accomplishment.


Q. Also, does cafepress check copyrights (eg. images, etc)?

A. Suprisingly yes. They have a legal department that needs written proof.


Q. What is your dream job?

A. Blogger at the Playboy Mansion.


Q. Fill in the blank… Blogging is a _______ dollar industry.

A. not to be evasive, but its not an industry yet. there are a few companies making decent money through blogs (BlogAds, PayPal, Amazon, Google), and maybe 150 blogs, but that doesnt really an industry make.

and as much as i would like to blog for a living, im not sure blogs and ads and money should be combined in the traditional sense – even though theyre doomed to.

if people spent as much time writing and experimenting as they do in getting hits and making money, the blogosphere would be a better place. im sure my little schemes only add to the problem but i never said i wasnt a hypocrite.


Q. How patient do new bloggers have to be to really get heard and recognized?

A. Through blogging you can learn a lot of things and patience is one

of the great traits. New bloggers and old bloggers should give up on

the concept of being heard or recognized and instead simply focus on

speaking from their hearts. The Velvet Underground weren’t heard or

recognized during their reign but they kept making records. Thank God

they didnt give up right away. The same could be said for Van Gogh and

Sonic Youth.

If your purpose of writing a blog is to get popular and rich, odds are

your blog is going to suck and you will get neither goal. If you

simply want to write every day then its a great thing. If you want to

practice your writing, it cant be beat. But popularity many times

makes no more sense in the blogosphere than it does in real life so

just think about the new kids at high school who were obviously trying

to be popular: they always looked like kissasses. dont be one of them.

be yourself.


Q. We know you are big on Cobain but, who is your favorite rapper?

A. Ad Rock, Ice Cube, Eminem, Dr. Dre. four-way tie.


Q. What do you say to Howard Stern who says male bloggers are a

little…nehh..fruity? (and to paraphrase, female bloggers=yentas)

A. I’m a huge fan of Howard’s. If you recall his last book was called

Miss America and on the cover he is wearing a dress and makeup, so if

he wants to call anyone fruity i guess he has the right to say so

under the old rule of “it takes one to know one.”

btw i dont think Howard or Robin know very much about bloggers, with

all due respect. he also said that in the wake of him shutting down

his overly-popular message board. Howard could easilly be the king of

the internet but he seems to be spooked by it pretty quickly, and

thats understandable, he’s a control freak, and the web doesnt like to

be controlled, ask aol or yahoo.


Q. What is your blogging process…

A. I go to work and do my thing until its time to take a break, then i

write whatever comes to my head that doesnt suck. i try to do this

before 11am for the east coasters. then i try to write something

before or right after lunch. then i try to write something before i

go to sleep at night, again, for the east coasters. i barely re-read,

and i rarely edit or spell check. not cuz im cocky, but because im

critical and if i look at it and hate it i will obsess and i might

delete it. the point of blogging is to write and hit publish and duck.

not to go back and tinker and poke at the zits.

josh (pictured) + shabooty + jozjozjoz + dick shagwell

someone emailed me complaining

that i havent really told a lot of bible stories this Christmas season, and it’s true, i havent told any.

metafilter had an interesting debate yesterday and someone said that Christmas isnt really a holy season, it’s a holy day. that the bastardization and commercialation of Christmas has turned it into a season as opposed to a day.

with that said, i dont see any problems with talking about the birth of Jesus a few days before his birthday.

right now for example it would be pretty scary if i was Joseph and Mary with nowhere to go and the Messiah about to be born. one of my favorite characters in the bible is Joseph and his inability to do the ONLY thing that he had to regarding the son of man: find a place for Mary to deliver the infant.

to me that makes the story believable, and very Homer Simpson moment to fail at finding a proper inn or crashpad for the son of God.

i also like that King Herod was after the little baby Jesus the minute he was born and pissed that he was even born in the first place.

but my favorite passage in the birth of Jesus is when Joseph found out that his virgin wife was pregnant. in a word he flipped out.

18This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

20But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,[c] because he will save his people from their sins.” – Matthew 1:18

to me this makes sense and makes me believe in the virgin birth story because it seems very realistic that a religious man like Joseph would be really pissed/confused/angry if he found out that he married a woman who is suddenly pregnant.

anyway, thats my two cents this morning. i hope your Christmas Eve eve is magical and great.

bored housewife (pictured) + sk smith + my virgin bride moxie

two years ago

this week

she was from another planet. plainly. probably another time as well. her private parts had a sort of suction going on that was equal parts creepy/wrong and omg/omg.

her name was <3

i said, less than three?

she said, i dont make fun of your name, please dont make fun of mine.

i agreed and the suction continued.

when she kissed me i time traveled in my mind. except i had no control of where i went.

because my luck is sometimes rotten, i ended up in the gift shop of the smithsonian in 1989. i wanted to look around the museum, but it was after hours and i didnt have full control of my feet.

when we stopped kissing i came back to earth. or wherever it was that i was.

i opened my eyes and four of her hands retracted quickly. without moving her head she looked up and to the right and began whistling a carefree tune.

we went back to kissing and i time traveled into the very near future. exactly what i was resisting. i tried to pull away from the caress but i phsyically couldnt.

it was judgement day. two rows of white men with long white beards and pitchforks sat to the right of me while two rows of black men with long white bears and lightening bolts sat to the left of me.

the opening strains of hells bells were being played and two giant feet and legs that reached into the heavens stood in front of me.

everything was happening via esp.

how dare you!

im so sorry.

why didnt you?

laziness. sloth. igorance. selfishness. fear of success. assholeness. apathy. fear. pride. age.

you will ruin the mix.

i know it.

you never went to church.

it was so dull.

you could have taken over.

i could have?

why do you think you were ordained?

cuz you needed me?

pride! i dont need you.

cuz you wanted me to?

and what do you do when you dont get what you want?

i bitch.

no whiners in heaven.


hasta, fucker.

one of the feet rose. it looked to be made of cement. he wore sandals. a shadow blanketed me, blotting me out of sight.

she pulled away shreiking. i had bitten into one of her tounges.

someone busted through the door on a pale horse and swept

suddenly alone

and dreading the inevitable future.

fuzzy co (pictured) + tiffany + buzzmachine + xtx