it sunk in this weekend that anna is married, for real this time, and’s never coming home.
i dont know why it took so long for me to get it. probably because i have the greatest force field imaginable.
other day this dude was hating on me. someone who i should care about hating on me, but i didnt care. i mocked his hate. i fed off it. i literally turned to rubber and he to glue. it was frightening.
anna called on saturday in the best mood ive heard her in a long time. and i want the best for her. of course i do.
but theres a part of me that still thinks that im the best for her. theres part of me that thinks, shit, astrology alone tells us that im the best for her. theres a part of me that thinks, definately in the sack im the best for her.
she heard how i felt, my silence, and she began to cry, and said, maybe i know whats the best for me, and i said how do you say nonsense in russian.
then i wanted to cry.
we hung up and i went through the short list of guys she went out with after me and how she sounded after each first date with them
and i thought, anyone had a chance with her as long as they werent me.
its ideas like that that’ll kill you the big bottle of rum said
redesign the wall, the hookah smokesignaled
use me moaned the porn
but you must keep the sabbath holy
so i just did my laundry
and drove all night
with the radio turned